


Glass Doors

by sweetrosei



Series: Beyond (HanaAka) [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Anxiety, Asexual Akashi, Asexual Akashi Seijuurou, Asexual Character, Friendship, Healing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-06-01 11:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6517021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetrosei/pseuds/sweetrosei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akashi Seijuro and Hanamiya Makoto have been together for a year. This is the story of how University changes them. </p><p>Sequel to Beyond the Waiting Room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Makoto I

“Come to spy on the competition?”

Makoto flinched as the voice took him by surprise.  

“Excuse me?” Makoto turned and looked over the man behind him, decked out in volleyball gear, and then back at the court he’d just been looking into. _Ah_. Makoto was outside Hall C of the University of Tokyo’s sports centre. The centre was state of the art, with extra strong glass doors, multiple floors, and more rooms than he wanted to count. Makoto just happened to have paused outside of the hall currently occupied by the volleyball team.

“Oh, no. I don’t play volleyball. I was looking for a different court.” Makoto responded.

The volleyball court shared a corridor with a few other ball sports, including basketball. When he’d quit basketball after his final inter-high he’d been serious and kept his word. He had been at UoT for five months now, studying Chemistry, and hadn’t tried out for the basketball team. Since he’d quit, he felt his control over his violent instincts had improved and it was a weight off his shoulders. He hadn’t played since then and he hadn’t hurt anyone – it felt like success. It was August now and he still didn’t want to join the basketball team, that hadn’t changed, but watching Seijuro win the inter-high last month had sparked a little curiosity in him about what his university’s team was like. It couldn’t hurt just to check them out, so he’d come along during one of their practices to take a quick look.

“So which team were you planning to spy on then?” The volleyball guy asked and Makoto sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not _spying_ on anyone. I used to play basketball and I was curious about the team here, that’s all.”

“Oh, so you go here?” The other perked up a little, looking more interested and less suspicious now.

“Yes.” Makoto didn’t voice the ‘ _moron’_ that followed his confirmation but he didn’t hide it from his tone either. Did Makoto really look more like a spy than a member of the university?

“Well, now I’m embarrassed. Sorry about that. I thought you were spying.” The other rubbed the back of his head, fluffing up his already messy hair with a stupid grin while Makoto continued looking unamused. “I’m Kuroo Tetsurou, captain of the volleyball team.”

“Mhm.” Makoto replied, unimpressed. He didn’t particularly want to be rude, although the other had been with his accusation, but he didn’t want to give his name in return either. Being near the basketball courts had already put him on edge and this wasn’t helping. Makoto had made so much progress with his therapy that he’d stopped seeing his doctor last month but he still got nervous when he was in a stressful situation, like most people. He didn’t really want it to get out that he was skulking around the basketball courts either. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want people to know. Plus, the guy had annoyed him already. He didn’t owe him anything.

“Why were you lurking though? Most people don’t lurk if their intentions are innocent.” Kuroo asked, moving in front of him to continue the conversation.

“I wanted to check out the team without being checked out in return.” Makoto replied, looking past Kuroo, trying to non-verbally communicate that he wasn’t interested in this conversation. He didn’t want to tell the guy to leave him alone outright; it didn’t feel like a good idea to piss off the guy that had caught him sneaking around and could alert the basketball team to his creeping. He didn’t want to have to chat to him either.

“Ah. Nervous about joining, then? You shouldn’t be. Everyone’s really nice here. The basketball guys are great.” Makoto frowned and looked at Kuroo at his reply. He wasn’t nervous about joining. He didn’t even want to join, he just wanted to look.

“Mhm, perhaps another time. I should go.” This wasn’t worth his time and he was getting irritated.  

“But you haven’t seen them yet.”                                                                   

“I saw them before you pounced on me.” Makoto lied, turning around to leave.

“No you didn’t. I saw you come in.” Kuroo’s tone spoke of amusement. How long had this guy been watching him?

“Come on.” Kuroo continued. “I don’t let people be afraid of sports. I had a friend who was nervous about volleyball but I convinced him to join and now he plays for his university’s team too. The best setter I know.”

Makoto was grabbed by the arm and pulled along. Oh God no. He was not okay with this. He yanked his arm back, taking the other by surprise with the force of it. He’d yanked harder than he’d intended but he didn’t feel guilty. “No, thank you.” Makoto replied before walking away as fast as he could and exuding an air of ‘leave me the fuck alone’.

That was not how he’d hoped today would go.

~ * ~

“Did you do anything exciting today?” Seijuro asked, smiling into the camera.

Makoto and Seijuro were in a skype call together. Makoto was comfortably sprawled on his bed while Seijuro was at his desk. Seijuro had paused his revision to talk to Makoto. He didn’t have long to go before his final year was over and he was thoroughly invested in preparing for his university entrance exams. They’d already talked about them many times and Seijuro had talked it over with his father and agreed where he would apply. He would be applying to the University of Kyoto as a backup, which Makoto thought was a good idea but Seijuro was unlikely to need, with Keio University as his first. Kyoto was mostly chosen because it was a good university and Seijuro loved Kyoto. However, their basketball team was poor. Keio, on the other hand, was one of the best university’s in Japan for business and had a basketball team that had won the intercollegiate championship several times. It was perfect for Seijuro. It also happened to be half an hour in a car from the University of Tokyo.

“Not particularly.” Makoto lied. He didn’t like lying to Seijuro but he didn’t want to bring up his trip to the basketball court either. As much as he thought it was adorable and amusing when Seijuro got all sparkle eyed and excited about basketball, Makoto didn’t want to get him excited about his trip when he had no plans to join the team. Seijuro respected Makoto’s decision not to join when he’d started at UoT but Makoto knew that deep down Seijuro wanted to see him play again. Bloody miracles and their ‘ball is life’ mentality. Makoto was just fine without it. Although, he hadn’t actually seen the team and satisfied his curiosity yet…

“Me neither. The team is already practising again, of course, and I’ve got too much work to do anything other than work and practice.” Seijuro replied, sounding like he was trying to keep his tiredness out of his voice.

“Yeah, final year sucks.” Makoto knew how Seijuro felt. Final year was an unrelenting mix of stress and fluctuating emotions.

“I want to make sure they can get through the winter cup without me.” The inter-high had been Seijuro’s last tournament until he inevitably made it to the intercollegiate championships. Most third years focused solely on their studies by this point but not Seijuro. Neither he nor Makoto had been able to resist coaching their team until their graduation. Both of them had wanted to prepare their teams for the next year (and winter-cup, in Rakuzan’s case). Thankfully, it had paid off for Makoto as Kirisaki Daiichi’s new team had gotten into the winter cup this year. Plus, the new team didn’t use any of the old team’s violent tactics. They did still use their non-violent ones along with their own new ones though.

“They’ll learn. They won’t learn as fast if you’re playing with them though…” Makoto replied, not completely serious. It’s true that throwing them in the deep end without Seijuro playing would make them learn but he could never tell Seijuro not to play. He didn’t want to deal with the hurt in his eyes.

Seijuro didn’t even acknowledge the idea. “They will succeed; I will make sure of it.”

“So, what are your plans for the rest of the evening?” Makoto asked, changing position and pulling the laptop closer. It was 9pm. Makoto fully intended to get an early night at 11pm since he had an early lecture the next day, so he was winding down, but knowing Seijuro, he was going to keep working for hours after the call ended.

“Revision. The usual.”

“You could take a night off…” Makoto suggested, already knowing it wasn’t going to be accepted.

“I’m taking some time off with you.”

“Seijuro.” Makoto started, giving him an admonishing look. Seijuro was always a hard worker but he seemed to be forgetting to relax lately. He was handling it so far but Makoto was worried about the toll the extra stress and lack of sleep would take on his health.

“Makoto.” Seijuro replied, returning the exact look and tone.

Makoto couldn’t help but laugh. “Just promise me you’ll get some sleep.”

“I will do my best.”

“Sei-“

“I promise.” Seijuro cut him off. Makoto knew what Seijuro and his anxiety were like. He wanted to do what he could to make sure Seijuro didn’t overwork himself and suffer because of it. Seijuro had realised what Makoto was doing very quickly but he’d started agreeing to it more and more lately. Perhaps it was working. As long as Seijuro was okay, it was worth the mildly annoyed looks Seijuro gave Makoto when he kept reminding him to take breaks.

Overall, Seijuro’s health was doing pretty well. It hadn’t gotten any worse and they saw that as an improvement considering how much pressure Seijuro was under right now. They’d expected him to start getting worse as the end of the school year came closer but so far he hadn’t. Both he and Makoto, along with Seijuro’s therapist, were proud of him. Makoto really hoped it stayed that way. Seijuro was still seeing his therapist regularly but they were focusing more on his dissociation. Seijuro had a pretty good grip on his anxiety now and his depression had become so much better. It was amazing to see him so happy. Even the miracles had commented on how happy Seijuro seemed in the last few months.

“I miss you.” Seijuro spoke quietly, picking up his laptop and moving to his bed too. They’d seen each other a couple of weeks ago for their anniversary dinner but both of them had been so busy with deadlines and revision that they’d only managed to meet for the day. It hadn’t been long enough.

“I miss you too.” Makoto replied with a soft smile. “I could try and visit you for a weekend sometime?” It was still several months until the winter break and he didn’t want to have to wait that long. If he timed it right with their next assignments, he should be able to visit Seijuro for a bit.

“Definitely. I’ll check out my timetable and suggest some dates.”


	2. Seijuro I

Seijuro’s knuckles turned white and his hands burned as he gripped the edge of the table. He needed to calm down, he needed to focus, but he couldn’t stop the waves of fear and anger coursing through him. He had to do perfectly on his tests. If he failed these, everything was over. It didn’t matter that he could redo them in a year. It would all be over; he would be a failure. _Again_.

Almost all of his time that wasn’t spent doing school work or with the basketball team, he spent on preparation for his university entrance exams. He was doing more work than anyone else he knew but it still wasn’t enough. The pressure was that much more for him. He’d already failed his family once by losing the Winter cup in his first year. He couldn’t fail again, especially not when it came to university. His choice of university could make or break him. It was the most important thing he had to do this year and the pressure was unbearable.

He desperately tried to hide his struggles from Makoto and his friends and it seemed to be working. Makoto and Reo were the ones that were most likely to be able to see through his display, but Reo was distracted by their own exam preparations and Makoto was distracted by university and the physical distance between them. Both Reo and Makoto were a little worried about him but didn’t seem to know the full extent of his situation. They believed his act enough for now. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them or anything like that – he knew they both deeply cared for him. However, he didn’t want to burden them while they were both going through their own stressful times too. He also didn’t want to admit he was struggling. Admitting he needed help with his mental health was different. That was an illness and not something he could treat alone. This was academia and he was always top of his class. This was his best area. He could do this alone. He knew he could. He was an Akashi; he _had_ to do this.

Seijuro let go of the table and dug his nails into his palms as he took deep breaths to try and calm himself. Getting worked up about it wouldn’t help. He couldn’t revise if he had a panic attack and he didn’t want to switch with his other self right now. He wanted to succeed on his own. However, stressing about trying to stay calm was the opposite of helpful. He needed to calm down properly. He decided to listen to Makoto’s advice a little and allow himself 10 minutes - only 10 minutes - to do anything _but_ work, and then he would return with a fresh focus.  

Seijuro jumped in surprise as his phone started ringing. He wasn’t expecting a call. It sent a temporary rush of anxiety through him, his nerves on edge enough that anything unexpected was interpreted as a threat and only added to his stress. This disappeared as he saw the screen display Atsushi’s name and a flood of warmth washed through him. After the miracles had fixed things with Seijuro and met Makoto, Seijuro had grown closer to all of them, but especially to Atsushi. They had a sweet friendship, and not just because of Atsushi’s snacks.

Seijuro’s anxiety spiked a little again as he pressed the answer button. Atsushi tended to text his intention to call first, so to receive a sudden surprise call from him was potentially worrying. Seijuro tried to push down his concern that the call was something bad – he shouldn’t jump to conclusions. He held the phone to his ear and spoke in his usual tone. “Atsushi.”

“Sei-chin.” Atsushi replied.

“How can I help you, Atsushi? Is everything okay?” He asked, hoping the answer was yes. He couldn’t handle it if something bad had happened.

“Mmm… it’s okay.” Atsushi replied. Seijuro thought he detected a little hesitance in his voice.

“Are you sure? There must be a reason why you called.” Seijuro replied, pushing lightly.

“I wanted to talk to Sei-chin.”

“I’m glad you called. You know I always enjoy talking to you.” It was true, even though Seijuro wanted to get back to work. Talking to Atsushi would be a good way to spend his 10 minute break.

“How is Hana-chin?” Atsushi spoke suddenly, almost cutting Seijuro off.

Seijuro frowned a little, getting suspicious. There was definitely something more to this call than just wanting to chat. “He is well.” He answered in a friendly tone.

“You two are good?”

“We are very good, yes.”

“Good…”

The line went quiet for a while and Seijuro smiled lightly as he tried to get the conversation going again. “Atsushi, did you want to talk about something in particular? You can talk to me about anything.”

“How did Sei-chin know he liked Hana-chin?” Atsushi asked, his voice a little strained. He must have been nervous to ask that and Seijuro could guess why. Lately, Atsushi had been talking very fondly and very frequently of a certain black haired friend of his. Seijuro had held some suspicions for a while but this just added to his pile of evidence.

“That’s a hard question to answer. It’s a sort of… feeling? Physically and emotionally. It took me a long time to work out. I only really understood it after we went on a date. That confirmed it for me.”

Atsushi stayed quiet and Seijuro smiled before trying to encourage Atsushi again. Atsushi was adorable. “Perhaps you could ask them on a date.”

Atsushi stayed silent for a while longer before he replied. “Sei-chin knows everything.”

“I like to think so.” Seijuro replied, the smile clear in his voice.

“How do I ask him?” Atsushi replied and Seijuro was glad to hear Atsushi wasn’t hiding his crush’s pronouns. There was no need to around any of their friends now, especially Seijuro. “How did Sei-chin ask Hana-chin?” Atsushi asked and Seijuro jolted a little in surprise. They still hadn’t told everyone the true story of how they’d met and started dating. The miracles thought they met at a bookstore and had a ‘normal’ relationship progression.

“He asked me, actually. He just sort of… came out with it.” It wasn’t strictly a lie. Makoto _had_ just asked for a date, rather than sugar coating it behind an offer of coffee or anything vague. He had wrapped it in a deal though.  

“And that worked?”

“It was a surprise but it was nice.” Seijuro replied. “It meant there was no confusion about whether he was really asking me for a date or not, like you see on TV when people ask others out for coffee.”

“So I should just ask.”

“If you want to.” Seijuro didn’t want to tell Atsushi exactly what to do. It should be up to him how he asks.

“What if he says no?”

Seijuro didn’t think for a second that Himuro would say no, not based on what he’d seen of the two together, but he didn’t want to tell Atsushi and be wrong. That would only make it hurt more.

“Then it’ll hurt but you’ll have to respect his answer and back off. There will be other people.”

“Mm…”

“It’s worth trying, I think.” Seijuro encouraged.

“Where do I go for a date though?” Atsushi didn’t have any experience in this area.

“Well… what does he like? Or what do you like? For our first date, Makoto took me to a market with his favourite chocolate stall. If you can’t think of anything like that, I think coffee, dinner, or a film are always acceptable. Perhaps dinner or coffee rather than a film though. You can’t talk during a film.”

Seijuro was excited to think that Atsushi and Himuro might be dating soon. Perhaps they could go on a double date sometime. He was curious about those. Makoto would cringe at the idea but he’d go along with it.

“Will you tell me how it goes?” Seijuro asked.

“Mm, yes.”

Seijuro stayed on the line, waiting for Atsushi to speak again. He hadn’t said bye or hung up, so Seijuro assumed there was more Atsushi wanted to say.

“What if I don’t like it though? Or he doesn’t?”

“Then at least you’ll know. The date helped me because it showed me that I enjoyed being with Makoto in a romantic context. It could be different for you. It might help you in another way or it might not help you at all. I can’t tell you exactly what will happen. I think it could be a useful step though. You may finish the date knowing you want another, or knowing you don’t. You need to be honest with each other. If you don’t like it, you should tell him, even if he did like it and you’ll think it’ll hurt him. It’s always best to be honest.”

“Thank you Sei-chin. My head hurts but I’ll ask him on a date.”

“I hope it goes well Atsushi, I really do.”

“Sei-chin knows who it is…?”

“I have my suspicions. My black haired, beauty-marked suspicions.” Seijuro replied playfully and laughed at the annoyed noise Atsushi made on the other end.

“How?”

“Because I pay more attention than the others and you two are adorable.” Seijuro replied honestly.

“Do the others know?”

“No, I don’t think so. Momoi might but she won’t have told anyone.” Back when Seijuro had first told the miracles about him and Makoto, Seijuro had been a little mad that Aomine had told Momoi about it when he’d asked them to tell no one. He’d ended up bringing it up at some point and he thought they’d both learnt their lesson. He didn’t think either of them would say anything without permission this time.

“Okay… will Sei-chin tell Hana-chin?”

“Only if you allow me to. Otherwise, I will tell no one.” He meant it, although he knew Makoto already had his own suspicions.

“You can tell Hana-chin. Maybe I should ask him for help since he asked Sei-chin.”

“If you would like to. He does things very differently from how I think you would, but you could ask.”

“Thank you, Sei-chin. How is Rakuzan?”

Seijuro smiled at the sudden change of topic. It wasn’t at all unexpected. Atsushi had what he needed to know and now he wanted to do their usual relaxed hangout chats. Seijuro always enjoyed their casual conversations too. Perhaps he could stay on the line for a little longer…

The conversation turned out to be exactly what he needed and completely settled his nerves for half an hour. When he finally hung up, his head was much clearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Here's the first two parts of the sequel I promised. I'm so happy to finally start posting it. I really hope you all like it and I'm excited to hear what you think!


	3. Makoto II

Makoto ventured back to the sports centre the next day the basketball team had practice. This time, he didn’t linger near the other practice halls and headed straight towards the basketball court.

“Well if it isn’t the little panther.”

Makoto groaned and stopped at the voice. _Not again_. He’d been hoping to avoid a repeat of last time but clearly the basketball and volleyball teams practiced at the same time.

“If you’re the captain shouldn’t you be _in_ the hall with your team?” Makoto asked, irritation in his voice as he turned around. Also, when did he become a ‘little panther’?

Kuroo ignored the question and walked closer. “Let me introduce you to the basketball guys. Their captain’s a sweetie, he’ll look after you.”

“I didn’t ask for your help.” Makoto stepped back, avoiding Kuroo’s arm that was reaching for him. Kuroo was too invasive and too friendly for Makoto. He wasn’t good with people like that. He just wanted to see what the team was like and if there was anyone on it that he needed to avoid. He didn’t want to meet them.

“No, but why don’t you want it?” Kuroo asked, looking confused.

“Because I’m perfectly capable of using my own eyes to watch a team without company.” Makoto replied, giving Kuroo a bored and annoyed look. This was none of his business.  

“But you want to join, right? Not just watch.” Kuroo looked and sounded confused.

“No.” Why did people keep thinking he wanted to play basketball again? If he wanted to join, he would have already.

“Mhm…” Kuroo didn’t look like he believed him. He gave Makoto an examining look before replacing it with a friendly smile. “What school did you go to?”

Makoto was tired of this already. He would just storm off to the basketball court to watch, but he didn’t trust this idiot not to follow him and try to force him inside. If Kuroo didn’t leave him alone in the next few seconds, Makoto was leaving. “None of your fucking business.”  

“I don’t recognise that one. Is it far away?” Kuroo replied with a grin, not deterred by the distinctly unamused expression on Makoto’s face.

Makoto resisted the urge to groan at the reply. He wasn’t in the mood to be teased, especially not by this stranger. He didn’t even bother to reply as he started leaving.

“See you next Monday, little panther~” Kuroo called after him.

~ * ~

Makoto headed straight home, too annoyed by Kuroo and another failed trip to check out the basketball team to stay out in public any longer. He was half way back to his room when his phone rang. He fully expected it to be Seijuro or one of the old KiriDai boys, so he was surprised to see Atsushi’s name on the screen. Makoto got on better with most of the miracles now, with the exception of Kuroko. Then again, he and Kuroko had extremely different personalities and there was a certain knee shaped wall that he didn’t think they’d ever get over. Makoto got on well enough with the others though, to the point that he’d even exchanged numbers with them. They didn’t talk all that much when Seijuro wasn’t around, but it was okay. Makoto’s stomach dropped a little as he had a sudden worry that maybe Atsushi was calling because something was wrong with Seijuro, but he shook it off.

“Hello?” Makoto answered, continuing his walk to his room.

“Hana-chin. It’s Atsu-chin.”

“Hello Murasakibara. What’s up?”

“Sei-chin said I could talk to you about dating.”

Makoto snorted in surprise and stopped walking for a second. Seijuro had said what now? “I see… did he say this with an amused expression or was he serious?”

“He said Hana-chin asked him on your first date so Hana-chin would be better at dating advice.”

“You’re planning to ask someone out?” Well this was interesting. Makoto filed away the information that Seijuro genuinely thought Makoto of all people was someone to go to for romantic advice and decided instead to focus on what Atsushi’s enquiry implied. He didn’t need three guesses to know who Atsushi was thinking about. There was definitely something romantic between the two Yosen besties.

“Sei-chin guessed who it was. Does Hana-chin know too?”

“I think I do. Are you going for something big and flashy or straightforward?” Makoto asked. He would try and give the best advice he could.

“Sei-chan said Hana-chin just asked him.”

“I did.” _Sort of_. “It worked with him. It might work with your target too.” Makoto wasn’t far from his room now, but that meant he was walking by people more often and for all he knew he could be walking by one of Himuro’s old school friends. He wasn’t going to use names until he was in his room.

“I always thought Seijuro would be hard to ask out. Girls always tried and he said no. They sent all kinds of things. All you did was ask.” Atsushi sounded impressed and a little confused.

Makoto laughed as he unlocked his door. “What can I say, I’m irresistible. Also-“ he stepped inside and shut the door. “I’m a man, so I’m more in his area of interest.”

“Sei-chin’s pretty.”

“Uh… yes, he is. Are you planning on asking Sei-chin out? Because I’m not sure how I feel about that.” Makoto replied playfully. He also noticed that his tendency to pick up Atsushi’s way of speaking when they talked had returned. Seijuro always found it amusing when Makoto got stuck adding –chin to people’s names for a while when talking to Atsushi.

“No.” Atsushi replied. “Is it why you liked him though? Muro-chin is very pretty.”

“Mmm…” Makoto thought it over. “To be honest, I didn’t really notice how pretty Seijuro is until after I’d already started wondering how I felt about him. I knew objectively that he was alright to look at from the start but I didn’t really spend any time thinking about it until I’d already gotten hooked on his personality. He’s interesting, that’s what caught my attention.”

“Muro-chin is nice to me.”

“Yes. That’s important too. Sei-chi- _juro_ was kind to me when very few others would have been in his situation.”

“I don’t know how to ask Muro-chin. He likes romantic things but I don’t know how to do those…”

“Well, I think love letters are supposed to be nice. You could write one and ask him on a date at the end. I imagine they’re hard to write though. I’ve never tried. To be honest, I’d just go for it and ask him out. If he really likes you, he’ll say yes anyway. The only people who would say no to someone they liked because they didn’t ask them out in a romantic enough way, probably don’t actually like them all that much in the first place. Just go for it.”

~

Two days later, Makoto received a letter, sent by next day delivery. He recognised the writing and opened it as soon as he was in the privacy of his room.

“Jesus Christ.” Makoto said, torn between laughing and groaning as he realised what it was on the light pink paper. Atsushi must have told Seijuro what he’d said.

Seijuro had sent him a love letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you're enjoying it so far ^^ I love hearing what you think!


	4. Makoto III

“Atsushi said you thought love letters are nice.” Seijuro teased, smiling over the webcam and looking very pleased with himself.

“I said other people thought they were nice. I didn’t say-“ Makoto stopped and sighed. What was the point? He honestly hadn’t been trying to say anything like he wanted to receive a love letter. However, now that he had one, he was going to keep it. It was quite nice… “Thank you for the letter, Seijuro.”

“Are you keeping it safe? My heart is in there.” Seijuro replied, having no problem saying mushy things that made Makoto cringe. Then again, this didn’t compare to how much he’d cringed while reading the letter. Seijuro was a very elegant and skilled writer but he also knew exactly what to say to embarrass Makoto. He refused to admit how red he’d gone while he’d read it. At some point though, when Seijuro wasn’t teasing him, he would make sure Seijuro knew how much it really meant to him to hear how much Seijuro cared.

“Your sap will be the death of me.” Makoto replied and immediately groaned, knowing what was coming next. Ever since Makoto had met the miracles in Seijuro’s house for the first time, Seijuro brought up the same cringe-worthy reply to Makoto’s sap comments. It never failed to annoy him.

“I am not a poisonous tree.” Seijuro replied.

“You’re a short fucking bush, alright.” Makoto replied harshly, making Seijuro laugh. “and your letter was lovely and I’m keeping it safe and I swear you better not send me anything like that again.”

“Too sweet for you to handle?” Seijuro looked too happy.

“… you’re going to send another one, aren’t you?” Makoto was doomed.

Seijuro just smiled.

~

Makoto didn’t go back to the basketball court on Monday. He really wanted to watch the team but he refused to have to deal with that volleyball guy again.

On Thursday, he did return. So did Kuroo. Makoto turned and left as soon as Kuroo started waving. It continued like that three more times before Makoto was too frustrated. This time, he was going to watch them. Annoying asshole be damned. If the guy showed up again, he’d just ignore him and watch the team anyway.

“Hey, Hanamiya-kun.”

Makoto froze in the hallway, his plan going out the window. “What the fuck?” How the hell did Kuroo know his name? It was bad enough that he kept showing up when Makoto didn’t want to see him but now he knew his name? Had he looked him up? Asked around about him? Makoto turned to him with a glare. “Are you stalking me now?”

“No, I just asked the basketball first years if they knew any grumpy players with long black hair that were in their year. They came up with a few names and a quick google of them resulted in you.”

“… you’re a fucking creep.” Makoto was extremely uncomfortable with Kuroo knowing who he was.

“So I’ve been told, but you were the captain of a good team. Why aren’t you joining ours?” Kuroo, once again, wasn’t at all disturbed by Makoto’s displeasure.

“Because I don’t want to.” Makoto wondered why he was even bothering to talk to him still.

“But you miss it.” Kuroo replied confidently.

“No I don’t.” How would this stranger know?

“Yes you do. You hate talking to me but you keep coming back just to ‘watch’? They have videos online and have matches you could go to. You don’t need to come and watch them practice. Really, you want to join but you’re afraid.” Makoto’s discomfort grew deeper as he was analysed. “Why? I haven’t seen you play, but a captain of a good team will definitely get in. Maybe even first string.”

“It’s none of your business.” Makoto had had enough of this and didn’t care that he was getting snappy.

“Alright.” Kuroo replied, still perfectly friendly despite the fact that Makoto was rudely walking past him. “Well, go check them out. I won’t bother you this time.”

“You’re already bothering me.” Makoto replied as he walked and Kuroo laughed.

“That’s true. You know I’m not trying to piss you off though, right? I just hate to see someone prevented from doing something fun because of fear. It’s sad to see you miss it.”

Makoto sighed but didn’t reply. He went to watch the basketball team, making sure they couldn’t see him and putting Kuroo to the back of his mind. He didn’t recognise anyone in the team. In a way, it was good since it meant no uncrowned kings and most likely no one he had injured, at least not seriously. Unfortunately, it also meant the team was probably rubbish. He knew when he applied to UoT that the team had never wont the intercollegiate championship but, since he didn’t plan on joining, it hadn’t been an issue. It was more important that their Chemistry course was brilliant, which it is.

Makoto watched them practice for a little longer before leaving. At least now he knew what they were like. He wasn’t sure why he felt so disappointed though. He tried to shake off the feeling as he returned to his room. Soon enough, he was texting Seijuro, trying to get him to take a proper break and talk to him. Both of them could probably do with a distraction. Seijuro was happy to call but Makoto could tell he was looking at notes at the same time. Seijuro seemed to be taking less and less breaks and Makoto was getting more worried. He was starting to think Seijuro might be struggling more than he let on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do people like the fic so far? I'd really like to know what you think.


	5. Seijuro II

“Sei-chin~” Seijuro smiled as Atsushi’s happiness shone clearly through the phone call. It was a little over a week after Atsushi had called for dating advice and two days since he had asked Himuro on a date. Yesterday, they had gone on the date.

“Hello, Atsushi. How was your day yesterday?” Seijuro asked, eager to hear as he put his notes down.

“Muro-chin tastes good.” Atsushi replied.

Seijuro’s eyes widened as his heart jumped in panic and fear flooded his stomach, easily replacing his earlier happiness.  “E-excuse me?” If this was going to be a sex thing, he desperately did not want to know.

“He let me kiss him.” Atsushi replied, his tone completely normal as if he hadn’t just said something very suspect.

“O-oh.” Seijuro tilted the mouthpiece of his mobile away as he took a moment to calm himself. “Oh.” He let out a breath. “That’s good. I’m glad.” It had been a shock and his heart was still racing, but as long as the conversation stayed out of certain areas, he knew he would be okay again. “Did you like the date?”

“Yes.”

“Did he?” Seijuro hoped he did.

“Yes.”

Seijuro’s heart swelled at the good news. He was so happy for Atsushi. “That sounds wonderful. Are you planning to continue dating or have you not discussed it yet?”

“He said he’s liked me for ages and wants to be my boyfriend. Do we need to date for a while before we can be boyfriends?”

“Not at all. If you both want to be boyfriends, then you can be boyfriends.”

“Then I think we’re boyfriends.”

“Congratulations.” Had Atsushi told Himuro that? “Have you told him this?”

“Hold on.” There was a soft thud and then silence. Seijuro waited as he assumed Atsushi had gone off to find Himuro and tell him. A few minutes later, Seijuro was wondering why he hadn’t hung up by now. They probably wanted some alone time. He was about to hang up when he heard Atsushi’s door.

“Hello? Akashi-kun?” Himuro’s voice came through the speaker. “Do you mind if I borrow Atsushi for a while?”

Seijuro laughed despite the way his stomach twisted. That sounded weird. Were they going to do something sexual? Did non-ace people do that this quickly? He wasn’t judging them, but he didn’t want to think about his friend doing that. He didn’t want to know. “Not at all. Treat him well.” _‘Don’t take advantage of him.’_ he thought. “Could I speak to him quickly before you go?”

“Of course.” There was a muffled sound and then Atsushi’s voice.

“Sei-chin.”

“Hi Atsushi. Uh.” What should he say? It wasn’t any of his business, but his anxiety had spiked and he needed to say something. He didn’t want his friend to rush into something he wasn’t ready for. Atsushi was smart and Himuro was kind, so he didn’t think he had to worry, but anxiety wasn’t rational, especially with how highly strung he’d been lately. “I am very happy for you and Himuro-kun. But. um…” Seijuro cringed. “Make sure you take things at your own pace, okay? Don’t rush into anything if you’re not ready.”

“Is Sei-chin trying to give me ‘the talk’?” Atsushi asked. Seijuro cringed even more. He could just imagine Himuro’s face if he heard that.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s none of my business. I just want you to be safe and happy, that’s all.”

“Sei-chin has nothing to worry about.”

“Okay. Good. I’m glad. Go enjoy being with your boyfriend now.”

“You should call yours.” Atsushi replied and Seijuro considered it. It wasn’t a bad idea at all. He could spare a few more minutes and Makoto would help him calm down enough to focus.

“I think I might. Do you mind if I tell Makoto about this development?”

“You can tell him. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Atsushi.”

Seijuro hung up and dialled Makoto’s number. He felt himself relax immediately at the sound of Makoto’s voice.

“Good evening, Makoto. I’ve just finished speaking with Atsushi and there has been an interesting development.”

“Oh, do tell. If you can.” Makoto sounded interested.

“He and Himuro are now official boyfriends.”

“Wow. That’s great! Damn, they move fast. We took ages to get to that stage.”

“I think I almost gave him ‘the talk’.” Seijuro admitted, a hint of a groan in his voice.

“The-“ There was a moment of silence before Makoto started laughing. “Holy shit. How did you end up in that situation? Are you okay?” His voice got more serious towards the end.

“Yes. I am okay. It was disturbing and I never ever want to hear any details about anything they do in that way, but I am okay. All I wanted to say was that they shouldn’t rush if he didn’t want to…” Seijuro hoped what he said to Atsushi didn’t mean he had opened some kind of door for Atsushi to tell him about that sort of thing.

“Mmm, that sounds alright. Do you think he’s likely to tell you those kind of details? I mean, it’s not like you bring up that kind of thing about us. I know we don’t do that but they don’t know that.”

Seijuro’s stomach flipped a little. “Do you think they think we do that?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think friends usually think about friends having sex. They probably avoid the topic.”

“I don’t want them to think we do that.” Seijuro didn’t want to have to worry about that as well as everything else that was going on. The thought of them assuming he and Makoto were doing such things made him feel sick and he desperately wanted to make sure they didn’t.

“I don’t think they’re likely to ask about it, so you’re probably safe.” Makoto was trying to soothe him. “If they were going to ask then they would have by now, I think. You can either just avoid the topic for as long as possible or just tell them the truth.”

“Do you think they’d understand?” Seijuro wasn’t sure. It hadn’t exactly gone well last time he’d told them something this personal. Reo knew he was ace, of course, and he’d mentioned it in passing to the others at Rakuzan and they’d all accepted it easily, but the miracles…

“You’d probably have to explain it to them. I expect food analogies may be needed. They’ll get it though. They’ve matured a lot since we first told them about us. I think they’ve become more accepting. I can be there too, if you’d like.” Makoto offered.

“I don’t want to make a big deal about it. None of them have had to make a big deal about their sexuality. I don’t see why I should have to.”

“You don’t have to. Maybe only mention it if it actually comes up in conversation and you want to at the time? I really don’t think you have to worry about them asking you that sort of thing though. I just can’t imagine any of them having the guts to ask you about your sex life. Plus, we don’t even kiss in front of them, so they have no reason to think about it.”

Makoto made sense but Seijuro still felt sick. “But what if Atsushi brings up his own?”

“You still don’t have to say anything about yours. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can just say that; that the topic makes you uncomfortable and you would rather they didn’t talk about it with you around. You don’t have to say anything more than that if you don’t want to. Not everyone likes talking about sex and they should respect that.”

Seijuro nodded. Makoto was right. “This conversation is making me uncomfortable.” He admitted.

“Then we can talk about something else.” Makoto’s voice was warm and encouraging. Seijuro was so glad he had Makoto. He was always there to support him when his own strength wavered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading~ Any feedback?


	6. Makoto IV

Makoto didn’t return to the courts to check out the basketball team after the last time. He had the occasional urge to but he pushed it down. He’d just been curious about who was on it, that’s all. He did not want to join. He did not miss it. Plus, they were terrible. He could probably make them good, but he didn’t want to. If he went back he’d only end up hurting people again, so it wasn’t worth it even if he did miss it.

However, just because he didn’t go back to the courts, didn’t mean Kuroo didn’t find a way to annoy him.

“Whatcha reading, Hanamiya-kun?”

Makoto’s eyes widened in horror as he recognised the voice behind him. He was in the library, doing his assigned reading. Apparently he wasn’t even safe here.

“Please leave me alone.” Makoto replied, the exhaustion clear in his voice despite its low volume.

Kuroo sat down and pulled out his own books.

“There are other tables.” Makoto continued, giving Kuroo an annoyed look.

“There are.” Kuroo replied happily, staying where he was.

Makoto considered moving but he refused to let this guy win.

“What is your problem?” Makoto asked.

“I don’t have a problem.”

“Why the fuck can’t you leave me alone?” Makoto forgot to lower the volume of his voice and got surprised looks from those nearby.

“Why haven’t you come back?” Kuroo asked.

“Because I saw what I needed to. I told you, I don’t want to join.” Makoto replied, still sounding tired.

“That’s not true.” Why was Kuroo so confident? He barely knew Makoto.

“Kuroo, for fucks sake, leave me alone.” Makoto replied, not realising he’d not used an honorific until Kuroo replied.

“Come with me, Hanamiya.” Kuroo replied, looking serious.

“No.” Makoto stubbornly replied, not caring where Kuroo was even trying to take him. It was probably just somewhere they could talk more easily.

“Just come with me. Talk to me for a while and if you still want me to leave you alone after, then I will and I won’t bother you again.” Kuroo offered.

Makoto groaned as he thought about it. If he could make up enough bullshit to get the other to leave him alone, then it might be worth it. He couldn’t understand why Kuroo was putting so much effort into this. He was worse than the generation of miracles when they found out he wasn’t going to play anymore. Makoto cringed at the memory. It was funny and cute when Seijuro got super excited about basketball, but it was a little scary when there were several of them. At least they played basketball though. It made a little more sense that they cared about him not playing. What was Kuroo’s excuse?

“Fine.” Makoto decided.

They gathered their things and Makoto followed Kuroo out. They ended up heading towards the sports centre. Makoto stopped walking as soon as he recognised the route.  

“You’re not taking me to the basketball team, are you?”

“No. They’re not practicing today. I have the volleyball court reserved for fun. I’m taking you there.”

Makoto frowned as he continued walking. “Are you trying to recruit me for volleyball?” Was that his plan? It was a weird way of going about it, nagging him about basketball first. It didn’t seem likely.

Kuroo laughed. “No. Well, I mean, if you turn out to be fantastic at it then hell yeah I will try, but it’s more just that I think the best while I’m there and I already have it booked so it seems a waste if I don’t use it.”

Makoto could tell this guy was a schemer. He acted a bit like an idiot and was definitely weird, but he could tell he was very smart and strategic underneath, even without knowing he was the captain and attending a brilliant university. Makoto had a feeling he was being dragged into some kind of trap. He was used to being the one trapping people in a web.

Once they were in the court, they dumped their stuff on one of the benches to the side while Kuroo brought out a volleyball. “Have you ever played volleyball?” Kuroo asked.

“Only in PE class.”

“So you remember the basics?”

“Yes…” Makoto moved to the other side of the net, already assuming he was going to be told to play.

“Great! I think even better when I’m playing.”

“Of course.” Makoto deadpanned. This guy was irritating, but some small part of Makoto wanted to smile. He may be a _tiny_ bit entertaining.

They hit the ball back and forth across the net as they talked. It was casual, so Kuroo wasn’t trying to actually score any points and always tried to hit it so Makoto could return it. Volleyball was a little more fun than Makoto remembered. The urge to start dribbling was almost unbearable though and Kuroo laughed the few times Makoto instinctively bounced the ball basketball style before starting the next rally. 

“I found videos of a few of your matches online.” Kuroo commented casually, making Makoto miss the ball as he momentarily panicked. So Kuroo had seen his tactics. At least that might mean he wouldn’t keep bothering him to join the team.

Makoto started the next rally and didn’t reply.

“Is that why you don’t want to join? Because your tactics differ?”

Makoto still didn’t reply and continued the rally. He didn’t want to talk about this.

“You could just play by their rules. They’re a good team.”

“I don’t want to play.” And they were not a good team, not by his standards.

“Why?”

Makoto didn’t reply. Kuroo kept the rally going a little longer before catching the ball and walking closer to the net.

“What happened to make you stop? Did you go too far or something? Get caught?” Kuroo asked, his voice actually soft and concerned.

“No.” Makoto hated this.

“Then what?”

“It stopped being fun.” Makoto replied. Surely that was enough. No one, except perhaps a pro, would continue playing a sport they didn’t find fun anymore.

“Maybe you’d find their way of playing fun.” Makoto could tell what Kuroo was trying to get at.

“I know how to play basketball by the rules. Just because you saw a few matches doesn’t mean you know everything about me.” This was not the easy conversation he could bullshit his way through that he’d hoped for. Kuroo really had trapped him.

“True. The first years did say your team was known for its violence though.”

“I stopped doing that in my last tournament. It got boring after that and I stopped.” Makoto admitted, his voice laced with frustration. This conversation was extremely uncomfortable.

“It got boring because you stopped your violent tactics?” Kuroo looked a little confused.

“ _Yes_.”

“That doesn’t seem right. You don’t seem like the kind of guy who enjoys hurting people.” Kuroo replied confidently.

“You don’t know me.” This guy knew almost nothing about him, how could he possibly assume that?

“I know you a little. I know you can barely stand me and I keep cornering you but you haven’t hurt me. Even my teammates throw things at me when I’m annoying but you haven’t done a thing. If you really liked hurting people, I don’t see why you wouldn’t have done something to me by now.”

Makoto looked away as he was analysed. He really hated being scrutinised like that. Kuroo wasn’t right though. Makoto’s violence had only ever been on the court, not off it, so he wouldn’t have done anything to him. The only thing he would have done is possibly be more verbally aggressive to Kuroo by now if he was his old self. 

“You said you stopped your tactics then quit. Are you afraid if you start playing again, you’ll start wanting to hurt people again?” Kuroo’s next analysis was way too close to the mark for Makoto.

“If you know I’m so violent then why are you pushing me?” He asked, trying to get back some control of the conversation, even if it was an empty threat.

“Because I don’t think you are that violent. Maybe you used to be, I don’t know. All I know is that you look at the door of the basketball court with the kind of longing that I know only comes with loving a sport so much you can’t be without it. You should at least give it a try. If you feel like it’s making things bad for you then you can quit again, but at least give it a try first.”

Makoto looked back at him, unsure of what to say. He was angry at being analysed, but also a bit too upset deep down to really show his anger. Kuroo had seen through him too well. He already knew he’d been lying to himself. He did want to join, but he couldn’t bear the idea of turning back into who he used to be. He’d become a much better person since he started therapy and even better since he quit basketball. He was afraid that if he went back, he wouldn’t enjoy it and he’d lose the sport he loved, or he’d start up his old tactics in order to make it fun again. He didn’t want to be that person again.

“I’m leaving.” Makoto replied, finally. He couldn’t bear to stay there any longer.

Kuroo didn’t try and stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	7. Makoto V

Makoto wasn’t sure exactly how it had happened, but four weeks later he’d come to enjoy Kuroo’s company. Since their mini-game of volleyball, Kuroo had taken it upon himself to talk to Makoto every time they saw each other, which was about twice a week due to nearby lecture theatres. After the second week of that, Kuroo started suggesting they hang out. Makoto wasn’t sure what to think at first. Kuroo was a little annoying still but he’d mostly stopped bugging Makoto about basketball and he had a similar kind of teasing, scheming playfulness to him that Makoto did. They had the potential to get on well. It sealed the deal when Kuroo mentioned that his ‘friend’ was coming to visit and would be bringing games with him. Makoto was all in for a gaming night. He still had gaming nights with his old Kirisaki Daiichi friends online, but they weren’t every week any more due to assignments and other engagements. Makoto missed them more than he wanted to admit, and he hadn’t really made any new friends at university outside of class so far. He wasn’t lonely, so he didn’t really care, but perhaps it would be good to make at least one new friend.

Makoto agreed to join Kuroo and his friend Kenma, and they all hung out at Kuroo’s one Saturday evening. It didn’t take long before Makoto realised Kuroo and Kenma were definitely a couple. They were trying to be subtle but Makoto could still tell. He thought it was a little odd that they’d invited him to join them when Kenma was only visiting for a few days and they’d probably enjoy the privacy, but it also made Makoto like them both even more because now he knew he’d be safe with them.

After that, Makoto and Kuroo quickly grew closer and by Halloween, they were best friends. Makoto often dropped by the volleyball court during practice to hang out and watch. Kuroo occasionally teased him about using his volleyball visits as a cover to creep on the basketball team, but Makoto still refused to go near them. Unfortunately, Kuroo had other ideas.

~

The first weekend in November, Makoto visited Seijuro at Rakuzan. Their workloads had finally lined up and allowed Makoto to visit Seijuro without any of their work suffering. He was only staying Saturday night but it was completely worth the trip.

Makoto had noticed almost right away that Seijuro was acting a little differently. He was jittery and didn’t seem as focused as usual. At first Makoto was worried that he’d done something wrong and Seijuro didn’t want to see him, but when they’d been cuddling on the bed and Makoto had vaguely mentioned the exams and Seijuro had literally flinched, he knew what was really wrong.

“Sei, it’s okay to be nervous about the exams. I was when I did mine. You don’t have to hide it.” Makoto kept his voice gentle as he brought it up. He wanted to help Seijuro relax and encourage him. Seijuro wouldn’t relax if he was constantly trying to hide his anxiety – it would only make him more anxious.

“I’m fine.” Seijuro replied, a little too quickly.

Makoto had seen Seijuro have sudden onsets of anxiety that had been horrible, but he hadn’t seen him like this before. This level of stress had to have been going on for weeks for it to be affecting him like this. Makoto felt a stab of guilt as he should have realised sooner. He’d been suspicious that something was off but he didn’t realise it was this bad.

“Sei. Talk to me, please. You don’t need to pretend with me.”

When Seijuro started shaking, Makoto immediately sat up and handed him a glass of water.

“Sei. Sei, it’s okay.” Half the times Makoto had seen Seijuro shake like this, it had led to a panic attack. Sometimes Seijuro managed to relax enough to avoid it, sometimes he didn’t.

Seijuro took a sip of the water before hurriedly shoving it back to Makoto. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.” He blurted out.

Makoto put the glass on the floor – not wanting to waste time leaning back to the table – and moved in front of Seijuro. He stayed the right distance away that he was in reach if Seijuro wanted him closer but wasn’t crowding him if Seijuro wanted space.

“I’m fine. I’m fi-“

“Seijuro.” Makoto spoke softly, taking hold of Seijuro’s hands and kneeling on the floor. Seijuro stayed on the bed, shaking more than before and gasping in between almost-normal breaths. “It’s going to be okay. I know they’re scary but I promise you, you will be okay.”

“You don’t understand, I-, I can’t focus! I can’t read because I’m so stressed about reading, which only makes me more stressed about reading because I can’t read it properly. I can’t revise because I _have_ to revise and I can’t _remember anything_. I’m going to fuck up my exams because I’m too stressed about them!” The words came out in a rush and ended with a loud gasping breath as Seijuro pulled his hand away from Makoto and gripped the sheets tight in both hands, trying desperately to ground himself. He held his breath for a few seconds before the tears started falling and the panic attack hit. Makoto was up and on the bed as soon as Seijuro reached for him. He knew when Seijuro wanted him closer and when he didn’t, and that reach meant Seijuro wanted to cling to him and hide from the world in his arms. Makoto wrapped both arms around Seijuro, rocking him slightly and stroking his back as he spoke to him softly.

“Makoto. Mako.” Seijuro was still a little gaspy and the tears were still running. The attack hadn’t calmed yet. “I’m going to switch, okay? I- I need to rest for a while.”

“Okay.” Makoto replied. He wasn’t in a position to judge whether that would be good for Seijuro or not. If Seijuro thought it would be for the best, Makoto would have to trust him on it.  “I’m here for you.”

Seijuro let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. Makoto didn’t know the exact moment when the switch happened, but a minute or so later, the other Seijuro opened his eyes.

Seijuro was a lot calmer now. The shaking had stopped and his breathing was mostly back to normal.

“He’s been hiding from you how much he’s been struggling.” Seijuro admitted, meeting Makoto’s eyes and staying in his arms.

Makoto really should’ve seen it. “I’m sorry. I should have noti-“

“We’re good at acting. Do not blame yourself. You have been a strong support for us.”

Seijuro’s encouragement didn’t make him feel less guilty. This wasn’t about him though. “What can I do to help now? Is there anything in particular you need?”

“No.” Seijuro replied, sinking a little more comfortably into Makoto’s arms. “Your support has been good. This visit is good too. We will be better once the exam is over. We can survive this.”

“You should take more breaks… you’ve probably been overworking yourself…” Makoto suggested.

“Yes. I agree. He’s been trying to shut me out but I will talk to him.” Seijuro’s focus seemed to drift and Makoto assumed he was talking to his other self. Makoto stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt.

A few minutes later, Seijuro nodded. “He will do an hour less work each day.”

“An hour?” Makoto wasn’t sure if that was enough, but it was something. He imagined both Seijuro’s were being stubborn and that was the quickest compromise they could achieve.

“Yes, and he will let me help.”

Makoto nodded and smiled softly in response.

“Together, we will look after him.”

“Yeah. You’ll be okay.” Makoto smiled again, tightening his arms a little around Seijuro in a little hug.

They talked about it for another half an hour. Seijuro filled Makoto in on how things had really been and what they planned to do now. Seijuro promised to stop hiding how he was doing from Makoto. Half an hour later, they lay down together, enjoying the peace and quiet. The other Seijuro was still in control, giving his other self a rest. He seemed so much more relaxed than he had when Makoto had first arrived.

Once again, Makoto was overwhelmed by how beautiful Seijuro was when he was comfortable like this. “I love you.”

The other Seijuro looked at him and opened his mouth but no words came out. Makoto hadn’t expected this Seijuro to say it back, although he knew he did love him in return, however, there was something else he was hoping for. Makoto hesitated for a moment before deciding to go for it. They were both laying on Seijuro’s bed, Makoto facing Seijuro, and Seijuro laying on his back. Makoto was using his left hand to hold his head up and the right was playing with Seijuro’s hair. He moved his right hand down to Seijuro’s hips and pulled slightly. Seijuro willingly rolled over and blinked when their faces came close together. He lightly stroked Seijuro’s side, staying above the shirt, as he leant a little closer then paused. Seijuro tensed slightly as Makoto’s heart rate picked up speed. “May I kiss you?” Makoto asked, speaking softly in the precious moment.

Seijuro swallowed before giving a very tiny nod. “Yes.”

Makoto smiled before closing the gap and kissing Seijuro as gently as he could. This was his first time kissing this Seijuro and he wanted him to know how much he loved him. When Seijuro leant into the kiss, pressing a little closer to him, Makoto knew it was perfect. This Seijuro was still very protective of himself and his other self, so Makoto understood how important it was that he was allowed to do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry about the big gap between chapters. I was super busy and then on holiday but I'm back now. 
> 
> Do people still like the story? Shall I continue?


	8. Makoto VI

“What the fuck is this?” Makoto hissed, trying to keep his voice down so the others wouldn’t hear. It was mid-November and Kuroo had invited Makoto to come join him play volleyball with some friends. Apparently Makoto wasn’t going to be the only one who didn’t play normally, so he wouldn’t be at a disadvantage and he decided to go along. When he got there, he realised he’d been tricked and had to squash the urge to punch Kuroo. He had stormed over to him at the side of the court and cornered him though.

“What is what?” Kuroo asked, feigning ignorance.

“Half the basketball team is here.”

“Yes, I did say you wouldn’t be the only non-volleyball player.” Kuroo’s innocent act was frustrating.

“You didn’t tell me it’d be the basketball team, you asshole! You did this on purpose.”

Kuroo gave in. “Yeah, I did. But we’re playing volleyball, okay? It’ll be fine. I just wanted to show you that they’re okay guys.”

“I hope you break a leg.”

“Well, that’s not very nice.” Kuroo replied playfully as he moved towards the net.

They split the teams so there were two basketball players on each side. They didn’t have full teams, but that was okay. They played volleyball for half an hour before they took a break and Makoto was feeling okay, since it really was just volleyball.

However, after the break, the basketball guys dared the others to a game of basketball. Makoto hesitated but the majority had already said yes. He couldn’t exactly go against it now. He could sit out but then they’d have uneven sides. He held in his panic as Kuroo came over to convince him to play.

It was a disaster, but only because the volleyball players were terrible at basketball. Makoto successfully kept himself calm the whole time and even enjoyed it a little. The member of the basketball team that was on his side was surprised but very happy to have him. He clearly hadn’t seen Makoto play before and hadn’t expected someone that wasn’t in the university team to be that good. Makoto tried to avoid talking to him too much, lest he ask why Makoto hadn’t tried out for the team.

~ * ~

Makoto got dragged into 4 more impromptu basketball matches in the weeks after that.

The second time was a similar situation, but this time the UoT basketball team captain joined them. The third time, the captain came again and didn’t leave straight away. The captain, Oshiro, approached Makoto at the bench afterwards, sending a feeling of dread through his gut. Kuroo was grinning at him from the other side of the court.

“The game was fun. You’re good. Kuroo tells me you captained your old basketball team but you won’t join ours, why is that?” Oshiro asked, smiling and giving off an aura of friendliness and authority.

“I don’t enjoy basketball anymore.” Makoto replied, going with his usual line.

“Could’ve fooled me. You looked like you were enjoying it just now.” Oshiro continued smiling.

Makoto _had_ enjoyed it but he wasn’t ready to try real competitive basketball again. “That’s because it wasn’t serious.”

“So you don’t like competitions?”

“That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is?”

Makoto didn’t want to have this conversation yet again. He continued packing up his things, ready to leave. “I just don’t want to.”

Oshiro stared at him, his arms folded as he considered it. “Come to practice. Play a little with us, no commitment, just see how you feel. If you like it, we’ll do an official try-out, if not, then at least you know for sure.”

Makoto looked away as he thought it over. Part of him wanted to try but another part desperately didn’t want to risk it. He didn’t answer Oshiro as he started walking away.

“Think about it. Come talk to us once you’re back after the holiday. Maybe you’ll like it.”

~ * ~

A few days later, Makoto was happily in his room with Seijuro, enjoying the start of the winter break. However, he couldn’t stop thinking about Captain Oshiro’s offer to come to basketball practice. He’d been battling back and forth, unsure whether to bring it up. He knew he should, but he also knew what Seijuro was going to say.

“Seijuro. I need to talk to you about something…” Makoto decided to bite the bullet and say it. He really should, especially after encouraging Seijuro not to hide how he was feeling.

Seijuro immediately looked at him, a hint of concern on his face. It had been another stressful day for Seijuro and he’d switched to his other self. This Seijuro wasn’t as open when expressing his emotions but Makoto had learnt to read him. 

“I told you I was playing volleyball with Kuroo and his friends the last few weekends but that’s not strictly true. I lied because I didn’t want to get your hopes up. I have been playing volleyball but we’ve also been playing basketball with Kuroo, his friends, and some of the UoT basketball team.”

Seijuro’s eyes widened a fraction and he looked a little hopeful. “Yes? Are you enjoying it?”

“Yeah… it’s been a lot of fun. It’s not competitive so it’s been fine, but the captain has asked me to come to their practice and see if I like it and want to try out for the team.” Makoto didn’t sound as confident as Seijuro looked excited.

“You should try it. Give it a chance. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go again.” Seijuro said exactly what Makoto expected him to.

“I know… but what if I hurt someone? They don’t seem to know what I’ve done. Kuroo does, but he’s an idiot. They won’t want me once they know.”

“But you’ve changed, Makoto. You don’t do that anymore. They’ll understand. They’ve already seen you play and they want you. They’d be fools not to.” Seijuro answered.

“And what if I do hurt someone?” Makoto knew he’d changed, but he also knew the risks. “It’s fine when we’re just playing for fun. When there’s pressure on me, it’ll be different. Plus, they’ve never won the championship; it’s definitely going to be stressful.”

“There was pressure on you at the inter-high and you did well.” Seijuro countered, not looking at all worried.

“We lost.” Makoto replied with a frown.

“But you didn’t hurt anyone from Touou. You played fair and you played well.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone, Sei.” Makoto sighed. Seijuro was right but that didn’t make it any easier for him. He didn’t want to go back to who he used to be.

“And you won’t. I promise. You’ve come so far. It’s worth trying again. If you try and you really don’t like it then you can stop for a while again. There’s nothing wrong with that. I think you should give this a chance though. I know you can do it.”

Makoto held in a sigh. Seijuro believed in him but Makoto wasn’t so sure about himself. He had until he got back to university to make up his mind.


	9. Kise I

“Happy Birthday!” Kise and everyone cheered as Seijuro walked into the room. It wasn’t exactly a surprise party - they all thought certain miracles would give the game away so hadn’t bothered - but they hadn’t told him any details about it either. All Seijuro knew was that he was being thrown a party at Kise’s and he no choice but to come and make sure he brought Makoto with him.

Seijuro blinked as streamers went flying across the room before he started laughing softly.

“Do you want cake or presents first?” Kise asked.

Seijuro walked over to the sofa to sit in one of the two spare spots left for him and Makoto. “Perhaps cake would be the best start.” Kise noticed the small look Seijuro gave Atsushi, who nodded in agreement.

The cake was chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate. Kise and Momoi had bought it together and decided that they couldn’t go wrong with chocolate. Kise beamed as Seijuro commented that it was ‘very good’ and Makoto was too busy eating it to give anything more than an enthusiastic ‘mmph’ noise. Chocolate had definitely been the right choice.

When it came to presents, everyone was filled with nervous excitement. They miracles had teamed up to pool their money together and think of the best presents they could. As a result, Seijuro had presents that were from all of them, rather than one person. The only presents the miracles didn’t know, was what Makoto had got him. Then again, maybe he’d give Seijuro his present in private.

Seijuro received a nice shirt, some books, a gorgeous handcarved fancy shogi set (they all knew he enjoyed collecting pretty sets, even if he tended to use the same one when he played), and a batch of homemade cookies.

After presents they decided to chat with some films on in the background. So much had changed in the last year. Everyone had finished their third year and had genuinely matured, which was a surprise to some. They all got along better with Makoto, although they avoided talking about school tournaments and other potentially risky topics. They also talked to Seijuro about his health and family life more. He didn’t tell them too much, but they knew much more than they used to and they did what they could to help. That was another reason why they hadn’t kept the party a complete surprise, they didn’t want to stress him out by throwing him into an unexpected situation.

“What are you two whispering about?” Aomine’s voice interrupted Kise and Momoi’s little conversation.

“Nothing that concerns you, Dai-chan.” Momoi replied, earing curiosity from the others.

“Are you keeping secrets?” Seijuro asked, looking curious too. “There’s not more surprises to come, are there?”

Kise smiled and shook his head. “No… we were…” he hesitated. Should he say? It wasn’t anything bad, but it was a little embarrassing. Not for him, but for the subject of the whispers.

“We were just saying how cute Akashi-kun and Hanamiya-kun are.” Momoi admitted confidently.

“Oh Christ.” Makoto groaned and cringed. Kise thought he heard him say ‘why does this always happen?’ too. Seijuro just laughed.

“Do we always say this?” Kise asked, trying to remember. He had definitely told Seijuro that Makoto was cute with him before, but he didn’t think he’d said it while Makoto was there before.

“Whenever Makoto meets any my friends or I visit his KiriDai friends, someone tells me or him that he’s cute around me.” Seijuro looked pleased by this. “He finds it embarrassing.”

“You get embarrassed when my friends call you pretty.” Makoto tried to defend himself. He rolled his shoulder a little, looking like he wanted to stretch out but was resisting or didn’t have room.

“Yes. I didn’t say that I didn’t. I was just commenting on your embarrassment.” Seijuro countered, looked unfussed by the leak about his own embarrassment.

“Have you told them about Pretty Boy A?” Makoto’s face took on an amused expression.

Seijuro started looking mildly alarmed. “Don’t you dare.”

“Why not? It was _cute_.”

“Makoto…” Kise’s interested was definitely piqued as Seijuro tried to stop Makoto.

“Pretty Boy A?” Kuroko repeated.

“You have to tell us.” Kise _needed_ to know whatever this was.

“Well…” Makoto started, almost laughing. 

“Makoto…” The first time Kise had seen Makoto and Seijuro teasing each other he’d been shocked. He didn’t think anyone would be brave enough to ignore Seijuro’s warning face. However, since they’d become closer friends, he’d learnt that there was a subtle difference between his real warning face and his playful teasing one. Kise couldn’t always tell the difference, but apparently Makoto could. He’d never seen Makoto get it wrong and genuinely anger or hurt Seijuro.

“When we first started telling people about each other, I wasn’t allowed to tell my friends his name.” Makoto continued, ignoring Seijuro’s playful warning and telling them the story. “So, I gave them a vague description of my ‘mysterious boyfriend’ and my friends concluded that I could only be dating a pretty boy or a member of a bike gang.” Makoto explained. Kise held in a laugh.

“I can’t imagine Akashi in a bike gang.” Momoi pouted as she replied. “He’d be too polite.”

“No. I said something like that, so they settled on him being a pretty boy. Pretty Boy A in particular. Don’t ask about the A, I still don’t know why they chose that.”

“So they called him Pretty Boy A until they knew his name?” Kise asked, letting his laughter out.

“They called me Pretty Boy A even after they knew my name.” Seijuro commented, pretending to be annoyed. Everyone started laughing.

“Perhaps we ought to continue that name.” Kuroko added, making Kise grin.

“Yes, I like it.” Kise agreed.

“Don’t you dare.” Seijuro warned while Makoto looked smug. The smug look faded into fake innocence as Seijuro turned the look on Makoto. “This is your fault.”

“I’m just telling people our story.”

“In that case, would you like me to-“

“No thank you.” Makoto cut Seijuro off. Seijuro must have been about to say something embarrassing. Kise was curious, _so_ curious, but he held back as Seijuro turned back to the group with a satisfied expression and Makoto sent the unaware Seijuro one of the most loving looks Kise had ever seen. Makoto had this habit of sending Seijuro looks that spoke of how much he meant to him when Seijuro wasn’t looking. Kise wondered if he knew that the others could see him or that he was doing it, but he had a feeling that Makoto was too wrapped up in Seijuro at those times too be aware of anything else. It was beautiful.


	10. Seijuro III

It was two days after Christmas and Makoto held in a laugh as the bells on Seijuro’s Christmas jumper jingled while Seijuro climbed on top of him. They were laying comfortably on Makoto’s bed, enjoying each other’s presence (and presents) and a lot of kisses. Seijuro had grown much more comfortable with kisses now and they both knew their boundaries, so there were no more panicked moments.

They’d decided not to open their presents separately on Christmas but instead bring them to Makoto’s and open them together there. Seijuro’s father still didn’t know about him and Makoto, but Makoto’s mother had worked it out before Makoto had even finished at Kirisaki Daiichi. Thankfully, she was a warm and wonderful woman who had easily accepted them. She adored Seijuro and he was always happy to see her. However, sometimes it would make him miss his own mother too much. Seijuro had bought Makoto’s mother a fully paid for top rate spa day for Christmas, since she’d been talking a lot lately about how she could do with a nice relaxing day out. She had loved it.

Makoto and Seijuro had opened their presents together, sat comfortably on Makoto’s bed. Seijuro had spent a long time trying to work out what to buy him. He knew a game was a pretty safe bet, since there were so many Makoto wanted but didn’t own yet, but that didn’t feel personal enough. He also knew Makoto didn’t want Seijuro to spend too much on him, although he hadn’t explicitly said it.

Makoto unwrapped the present with a barely hidden excited expression. When he saw the game, he grinned. “You know I’m going to make you play this right?” He commented before turning his attention to the CD that was also in the parcel. It was a homemade one with “For Makoto” written on it. Makoto looked at Seijuro with a curious expression.

“Should I put it on?” Makoto asked and Seijuro shook his head.

“No, let me.” Seijuro spoke as he got up, going over to his bag. Makoto had commented on Seijuro bringing an unusually big bag with him today and now he was about to find out why. Seijuro pulled his violin case out and smiled as Makoto looked surprised.

He waited until Makoto was comfortable before putting the CD on to track two. There were 3 tracks, the full track, the piano only track, and the violin only track. “I wrote this for you.”

As the piano track loaded, Seijuro prepared to start playing his violin. The song was sweet and romantic, and Seijuro avoided looking at Makoto as he played it. He didn’t usually get nervous when playing, but this was the first time he’d done something like this for someone.

Makoto sat quietly as Seijuro played. At one point, Seijuro closed his eyes, focusing on the music. When he’d finished, Makoto waited until Seijuro had put the violin down before holding out a hand for Seijuro to take and pulling him to him. “That was wonderful. Thank you, Seijuro.”

“You liked it?” Seijuro asked, making sure.

“I loved it. You wrote all of that?”

Seijuro nodded and settled down comfortably at Makoto’s side.

“It was beautiful. Thank you.”

“The recorded version is on the CD too.” Seijuro replied before he was pulled into a soft kiss.

~

The winter holiday was always short, so everyone tried to see each other as much as possible before they all disappeared off to their respective schools, universities, and entrance exams.  

Today, Makoto was having a gaming day with his KiriDai friends while Seijuro was with the miracles. Everything was going wonderfully as they chatted about old happy memories, basketball, fun and trivial things. Then Atsushi had brought up Himuro. Everyone, of course, was happy for him and Himuro. However, Atsushi, once again, said something innocent that sounded dirty and that had led onto a sexual conversation that Seijuro was extremely uncomfortable with. It didn’t help that his anxiety was already through the roof with his entrance exams coming ever closer.

He tried not to let his discomfort show as he attempted to steer the conversation back onto less disturbing topics but the others were too into it now. Seijuro sat silent, trying to ignore it and playing on his phone and sending desperate texts to Makoto. Makoto was doing his best to comfort him through the phone and suggested that if it got bad enough, Seijuro just leave the room. He didn’t have to explain if he didn’t want to. Seijuro wasn’t so sure though.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t hidden his discomfort well enough, and Atsushi had noticed. “Is Sei-Chin okay?” he asked, sounding and looking concerned.

Seijuro nodded, unable to speak. He felt sick and was terrified of them asking about his sex life. _Please don’t bring me into this,_ he pleaded internally.

“Are you sure?” Kise sounded worried too. “We can talk about something else if you’d like?”

Seijuro felt a rush of warmth for Kise. Once again he was being accepting and kind while the others were confused.

Seijuro nodded.

“Wait. You’re the one who’s had a partner the longest. How are _you_ the one uncomfortable with this?” Aomine asked. And once again, Aomine was the one fucking things up.

“Because.” Seijuro replied, his voice a little shaky.

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Kuroko asked, looking a little angry.

“No. Nothing like that.” Seijuro shook his head. He hated that that was the first conclusion Kuroko had come to. “I-… I just don’t like this sort of thing.”

“If you’re doing it, you should be able to talk about it though. I mean, you don’t _have_ to, but you shouldn’t look so freaked out by it.” Aomine added.

Seijuro shook his head, still feeling too sick to speak.

“Does that mean you’re not doing it?”

Seijuro was fairly sure he was shaking.

“Daiki. Drop it. Come on.” Kise tried to steer the conversation away from Seijuro. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“But they’ve been together for ages! They must have!”

Seijuro was looking down. Part of his shaking was due to nerves but a new part was due to anger.

“Not everyone likes sex. Some find it disgusting and wish to have no part in it. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you. Stop assuming everyone thinks with their dick like you.” Seijuro spat out suddenly, too angry to stay silent. Once again Aomine had said all of the wrong things and made Seijuro mad enough to vent his true feelings. He shouldn’t have to be afraid of telling his _friends_ who he was and he certainly shouldn’t have to put up with more of Aomine’s shit. Aomine had grown a lot more open minded but he was still so uneducated on some things.

Everyone looked a little surprised by the outburst.

Aomine’s surprised expression slipped into one of guilt. “I fucked up again, didn’t I?”

“ _Yes_.” Seijuro breathed out. He’d thought his outburst would calm his nerves but instead it made them worse. He opened his mouth to say he didn’t want to talk about it anymore but instead he choked and had to gasp to recover.

Kise was at his side immediately. “It’s okay Sei-cchi. It’s okay. We’ll change the topic. We won’t talk about it anymore. You’re safe with us.”

Kise must have known a panic attack was coming. Seijuro tried to recover his breathing and fight off the attack as Kise hovered around him, seemingly torn between hugging him and giving him space. Seijuro clutched Kise’s t-shirt and pulled him closer, trying to slow and deepen his breathing.

“I’m sorry.” Seijuro heard Aomine in the background but didn’t pay him any attention.

“Do you want me to call Hanamiya-cchi?” Kise asked.

Seijuro shook his head. “No… I’m… I’m okay.” His breathing was calming. He’d managed to fight off the full brunt of the attack. He leant against Kise, letting his body relax as the tension started leaving it. Kise wrapped his arms around him and held him close.

“Okay. Can we get you anything? Water? More hugs?”

Seijuro shook his head. “No. Just don’t talk about that stuff around me again.”

“I really am sorry.” Aomine apologised again. “I didn’t know.” This time, Seijuro looked up. Aomine looked sincere.

“Thank you.” Seijuro replied. “Can we move on to something else now, please?”

The miracles obliged, moving onto wholly unrelated topics of conversation.

~

Later that night, after talking to Makoto about it, Seijuro emailed the miracles links to webpages explaining sex-repulsion and asexuality, along with a brief request not to make a big deal about it and not to talk about sex around him anymore. All of their replies were supportive, especially Aomine’s.

A box of cookies with black, grey, white, and purple icing from Atsushi arrived at Seijuro’s apartment two days later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's 10-12 chapters left to go. I'm having a lot of trouble writing atm but I'll try and get it done for you.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve made some changes to the structure of the rest of this fic (no previous chapters have changed). I’ve merged and modified the next 11 chapters into 5 (including this one) and I’m dropping the separate chapter for each POV idea. I hope the changes will make it flow better. Let me know what you think~

“How are you feeling?” Makoto asked late on Saturday evening, the weekend after Seijuro’s exams. They were snuggled up on his bed again, half playing games, half chatting. He’d been eager to ask all day, wanting to make sure Seijuro really was feeling better now that the exams were over.

“Better. So much better.” Seijuro replied, happiness in his voice and truth ringing through his words.

“I’m glad.” Makoto let his affection and relief show in his voice.

“I’m sorry I worried you.” Seijuro looked up at him.

Makoto shook his head. “Don’t be. I’m here to support you. It’s perfectly fine to worry me.”

Seijuro smiled and cuddled a little closer. “How are _you_ feeling?”

“You’re here. I’m good.” Makoto replied light-heartedly. He could be a little mushy today. Seijuro probably needed it. It definitely wasn’t a distraction tactic from the fact that he’d decided to take Oshiro’s offer.

“That’s sweet, but how are you feeling about practice?” The tactic, unsurprisingly, failed and Seijuro zeroed in on his target.

Makoto cringed a little. “Not as good.” He admitted. He wasn’t going to hide it from Seijuro anymore.

“You’ll be great, I know it.” Seijuro encouraged.

“You keep saying that but… I’m intentionally putting myself in a situation where I previously was almost always violent. I know I’ve changed but that doesn’t mean that putting me back in that situation won’t cause me to revert.” Makoto kept talking, not letting Sejiuro cut in. It felt like time to spill what he was really thinking. “Sure, I haven’t hurt anyone since I quit basketball but that proves nothing. I never hurt anyone outside of basketball in the first place. Basketball is where I was violent and going back to it _could_ mean I get violent again. It’s a possibility, Sei, no matter how much you don’t want to believe it.”

Seijuro looked sad as Makoto finished. He stayed silent for a moment, seemingly collecting his words. “Okay. Maybe there is a small chance that something bad could happen, but that doesn’t mean there’s a _big_ chance. You said it yourself, you were never violent outside of basketball, which means a vast majority of the time you weren’t violent. You’ve gotten even better now. There’s a higher chance that you’ll be great than something will go wrong. Please try it.”

“I am going to try it.” He wasn’t trying to give up, just get his point across. “I just want someone to understand why I’m so worried. Everyone keeps saying they’re confident or they know I won’t hurt anyone, but I know there’s a real chance that I could. I just want someone to acknowledge that it could happen.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I really do believe you will be great but I can understand why you’re worried and I should have been more supportive about that. If you try it and you don’t feel comfortable or you feel that you want to hurt someone, then you can stop and I will fully support you in that.”

Makoto nodded and pulled Seijuro closer. “Thank you.”

“Do you feel better?” Seijuro asked.

“Not really… Maybe I’ll feel better once it’s over.”

“Yeah. That worked for me.”

Makoto smiled and leant in for a soft kiss. “I’ll try to call you after practice, okay?”

“Of course.”

~ * ~

Makoto hesitated at the door to the basketball court. Hesitating was pointless really, since he knew he wasn’t going to run away and the door was glass so the captain had already seen him and was heading over. Nevertheless, he hesitated anyway.

“Hey.” Oshiro greeted, opening the door for him. “Joining in?”

Makoto looked reluctant as he entered the hall. “I’m only here so everyone will stop bothering me about it.”

“Alright.” Oshiro was nicer than Kuroo. He didn’t call Makoto out on his bullshit. “Well, you played point guard right? You can do that here too. We’re going to play in two teams but won’t keep score.”

Makoto was going to comment on how not keeping score was stupid if they were trying to improve but he realised it was probably for his sake. Kuroo must have told Oshiro that Makoto wasn’t keen on getting into competitions again. This was a good starting point.

When Makoto first touched the ball, a bloom of anxiety exploded in his stomach and he almost fluffed his pass. Despite having played with them for fun before, it was very different playing on the court for a practice. Fortunately, Makoto’s nerves eased the longer they played and by the end he found himself enjoying playing again. He didn’t feel the slightest urge to hurt anyone either. Granted, there was no competition so no real need to injure anyone, but he was still pleased with himself. It was progress.

Apparently his joy was obvious to the others, as Oshiro was already cornering him to talk about him coming to the next practice. Makoto agreed to try it again.

~ * ~

The call rang four times before it clicked and Seijuro answered. Makoto was walking back from the court and both wanted and needed to talk to Seijuro about it.

“Hello.” Seijuro sounded excited. No doubt he was hoping practice went well. “How was practice?”

“It was okay… I played point guard and we did a mini-match without keeping score. I think they’re tiptoeing around me so I don’t explode.”

“What you mean is that they’re trying to make it more comfortable for you. That’s not a bad thing. Was it good? Did you enjoy it?”

“It was…” Makoto sighed. “It was fun. I did like it. It’s completely different from a real match though. This is the same as just messing about with Kuroo or you. It’s not serious.”

“Maybe it’s a good way to get used to playing seriously again. I have complete faith in you, Makoto. I know you can do this, if you want to.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone, you know that.” Makoto still wasn’t convinced.

“And you won’t. If you want to play basketball, then you should. You can play without hurting anyone. You have never once hurt me when we’ve played and you haven’t hurt any of them either, and they’re complete strangers. Trust yourself a little more.”

Seijuro had so much more faith in him than Makoto did. Something in his gut told him he was going to hurt someone at some point, whether he meant it or not. “It’s only been one practice, Sei. This isn’t enough evidence to say I’m going to be alright.”

“Maybe not, but it’s a good start. If you want more evidence, then you’ll have to play more.” Seijuro had a point and Makoto scowled. “I know it’s going to be nerve-wracking but I know you can do it. If I could be there to give you more support, I would. You could ask Kuroo to drop by a little though?”

“He’s busy with-“

Seijuro cut Makoto off. “I know he’s busy with his own team but if you asked him to drop by for a few minutes at the start just to give you a boost, I’m sure he would.”

“He’d rub it in my face too.” Makoto grumbled.

“Yes, but he’d still help you.”

“You haven’t been talking to him, have you?” Makoto asked, a little alarmed. Sure, Makoto talked about Kuroo occasionally, he was his closest friend at UoT, but Seijuro seemed very confident that he knew how Kuroo would act.

“No, I do not have his contact details. I know your taste in friends though. He’ll support you.”

“Mmm.” Makoto replied. He couldn’t really argue with that. He’d had very good friends at KiriDai and he’d made a good one here so far.

“I would like to meet him though.”

“What?” _Oh no_. “No way. You two would gang up on me.” Makoto couldn’t handle two people telling him how much he loved basketball and how much faith they had in him at the same time. They would tease him to death too. It would be a _nightmare_.

“I see no problem with that.” Seijuro replied, sounding amused.

Makoto just groaned but thankfully, Seijuro changed the topic. “I have something else to tell you.”

“Oh?” That caught Makoto’s attention. What had happened?

“I got my exam results.” Seijuro replied and Makoto’s heart sped up.

“ _And?_ ” Makoto was trying to hold back his excitement. He desperately wanted things to go well for Seijuro. He was so smart that Makoto had no doubt that he should do brilliantly, but life didn’t always go as expected and he couldn’t bear the thought of Seijuro going through so much stress only to not get what he wanted.

“I got into both.” The pride was clear in Seijuro’s voice and filled Makoto too, wiping away all his worries.

“Shit, Sei. That’s great! I knew you could do it. _Fuck_ , that’s really good.” He was overjoyed for Seijuro. “Do you know which you’re going to choose?” Makoto thought he knew.

“Keio. I’ve already accepted their offer.”

Makoto was filled with even more happiness at that. Seijuro would be closer. He’d be in Tokyo. He’d be at university half an hour from him. Once he’d moved, they could see each other in person more in a few months than they had in the past year.

“I better make sure Tokyo’s ready for two geniuses then.” Makoto replied and Seijuro laughed.

~ * ~

Makoto returned to the basketball court for his second practice, feeling just as nervous as he had the first time. They played another non-competitive match within the team and he ended up enjoying himself again. After the match, Oshiro called him over and they talked about next time.

“I want to keep score next week. It’s useful for the players to know how they’re doing. I’m sure most of them are keeping count themselves, but it does add an extra edge to have it displayed on the scoreboard too.” Oshiro explained, his attitude light and friendly.

Makoto tried to hide his hesitance. “Yeah. You do need to keep score.” He didn’t disagree with the tactic, he just wasn’t sure about himself. Then again, Seijuro had started getting through to him. He’d also called his old therapist and had a quick chat about it. He agreed with Seijuro. Maybe he should give it a try. Whenever he’d hurt someone before in a match, he’d always done it knowingly. It wasn’t like he’d lost control and injured someone he cared about by accident. It had always been well thought out and executed with precision. He’d never lost control before, so why would he now? If it got to the point where he felt like he was going to or he wanted to hurt someone, he’d pull back and stop playing.

“Will you play next week? We’d love to have you. You’re a great addition to the team.”

Makoto hesitated a second longer before nodding.

“Sure. I’ll go for it. But, if I look stressed and tell you I want to stop playing for a while, let me stop.”

“Got it.” Oshiro smiled. The captain definitely knew what Makoto was talking about.

~ * ~

Three weeks after Makoto started joining their more competitive practices, he was asked to play in a practice match against another university and given his first UoT uniform. It was white with light blue and yellow lettering and detailing. It looked good on him. The week after that, he played in a cup match. He was now playing in his fourth cup match. The others had gone well and they’d won. The other teams had been okay but couldn’t match up to them. Mostly, they couldn’t match up to Makoto and Oshiro. The other players were fine but they had only started basketball at University and didn’t have the same experience or standard. Makoto was their best player and he knew it but he didn’t brag about it. The players were nice and he got on well with them. They were nothing like his KiriDai team and didn’t tease him like they would have, but they were friendly and kind and he liked them.

It was in the fifth and final match of the semester when things went wrong. They were playing a difficult team and they were losing. Oshiro had subbed out so someone else could play but Makoto was still on the court. He couldn’t carry the team to a win on his own and his frustration was building. It didn’t help that Seijuro had been upset the night before, so Makoto was worried about him and his mother had been trying and failing to hide a cough from him on the phone this morning. He was stressed and frustrated and if he could just get this asshole out of his way he could-

The whistle blew as the opposing player hit the ground. It was such a simple thing to do, something he’d done so often that it felt so natural, that it surprised him when the whistle blew. It was easy to move his body in a way that the other player had no choice but to fall and twist their ankle but he hadn’t paid attention to the referee. He didn’t have his old team to help cover him and he hadn’t planned it out in advance. He hadn’t really meant to do it. Yet, now the other team had subbed out their injured player, scored off the foul, and Makoto was back to the bench. He’d fucked it all up with one twist of a leg.

He didn’t stay at the bench, just grabbed a towel and walked towards the locker room. He wasn’t going to play in the rest of the game, that was for sure, and there was no point him sitting and scowling on the bench. Someone called after him but he didn’t stop. It would reflect badly on their team, him injuring someone then walking off like he was having a hissy fit, but he didn’t care. He’d done exactly what he’d been afraid he would do. He’d hurt someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for sticking with this fic so far. Let me know what you think of this chapter~


	12. Chapter 12

It was the second day of the spring break and Seijuro was over at Makoto’s house. They were in his room, playing a sci-fi themed strategy card game that Makoto liked and was teaching Seijuro. Seijuro was doing brilliantly, but Makoto had more experience so kept winning.

“Makoto…” Seijuro started, his voice soft and concerned, and Makoto knew what topic he was about to bring up. Seijuro hadn’t mentioned the ‘incident’ yet in person and it was definitely going to happen at some point.

“No, I don’t want to talk about it.” Makoto replied, not playing along.

“Makoto, please.” Seijuro looked as concerned as he sounded.

“I told you. I’m not playing again.” Makoto kept his focus on the cards. This was the only game he was interested in playing right now. He didn’t want to talk about basketball. There was nothing to talk about. He’d fucked up and he wasn’t going to risk it happening again. He should never have started playing again.

It had been three days since the incident and Makoto refused to talk to any of the team or Kuroo. He only spoke to Seijuro but he refused to talk about basketball. Seijuro put down his cards and gave all his attention to Makoto.

“Makoto, please. It was one mistake.” Seijuro had tried so hard to convince him since the match but Makoto couldn’t do it again.

“I can’t risk it again.”

“Perhaps you could call your therapist again. Talk to him about it. Clear your head a little. You were under a lot of stress, it’s understandable that you made a mistake. It doesn’t mean you’ll do it again.”

“Seijuro, it wasn’t an accident. It was an accident that I got caught but I knew what I was doing. It was instinct. I’ve done it a hundred times before. What’s the point in playing if the slightest bit of stress makes me hurt people?”

“It should be fun to play.” Seijuro admitted, looking down at the cards for a moment before back at Makoto. “You were really enjoying it up until now though. Perhaps you could find a way so that if you’re having a bad week, you don’t have to play.”

“Sejuro, that’s bull and you know it.” The words were harsh but his voice wasn’t. “They can’t have a player they can’t rely on. That’s not fair.” Makoto knew Seijuro was just trying to help but there was no helping this situation.

“Then perhaps you could just play with them in practice. You think differently from them, it would be beneficial to the team to practice against you and have your input, even if you don’t play in matches. Then you can still play and have fun but you won’t have the added pressure. You did absolutely wonderful when you played in practice with them, I’m sure you could keep doing that.”

“Sei, there’s no point. I’m better off just not playing. It’s fine. I’m happier not playing and knowing I won’t hurt anyone than if I played with the risk of hurting someone. This is for the best.”

“Makoto…” Seijuro’s voice was pained but Makoto knew he was right; not playing was the best thing for everyone. He did agree with Seijuro on one thing though, he was going to call his therapist again. 

~ * ~

One week into the spring break, Seijuro was moving into his new apartment, ready to start University the following week. He was nervous but excited and he was thrilled to have his own apartment. Despite staying in Tokyo for university, it had been easy to convince his father that he would be better off having his own apartment rather than staying at home so that he could be closer to the university and not have to waste valuable time travelling. His father had agreed and Seijuro had gotten a wonderful penthouse out of it. Makoto was quite excited to stay over sometimes. It was nicely situated close to both Keio and UoT, so he didn’t have to worry about being late. Seijuro had already told him that he would love him to stay over as often as he wanted. He even had a guest room but they both doubted Makoto would be using that. They enjoyed the comfort of falling asleep cuddled together. They didn’t even mind the occasional dead arm in the morning.

Seijuro had professional movers and staff from his father’s house helping out, so he got moved in very quickly. He didn’t want everyone to put little things away, just bring in furniture and boxes, and he would do the rest to his satisfaction. Once everyone had gone and the necessities were sorted, he and Makoto flopped onto the sofa together.

“You’re one hell of a rich kid.” Makoto commented, looking around the apartment. It wasn’t over the top or anything, it was quite simple actually, but it definitely cost a lot. Makoto wasn’t mad or jealous. He’d do exactly the same if he could. He loved his mother and if he had the money, he’d buy them both nicer homes.

“I am… want to play games and order food?” Seijuro offered.

“Pizza?”

“If you wish.” Everyone seemed to think that Seijuro eating fast food would be some ridiculous big event but he was human. Makoto had ordered it a few times at his house and Seijuro had no problem eating it.

Once the food was ordered, they started looking at games. Seijuro’s collection had grown a little, mostly through Makoto’s recommendation but also a few ideas of his own. He didn’t play as often as Makoto but he played enough. It was a good way to relax when he was tired of reading and didn’t want to passively watch something. They weren’t going to start playing until the food arrived and had been eaten, so they were in no rush.

“Are you nervous about Keio?” Makoto asked, changing the topic slightly.

“A little. I know it will be fine though.” Seijuro replied.

“You’re trying out for the team, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good luck.”

“Thank you, but I won’t need it.”

_‘Smug little shit.’_ Makoto thought as he leaned over and kissed him.

“We can do this as much as we want now.” Seijuro commented between kisses with a smile. “and not have to worry about any of my staff or father walking in.”

“My mother could still walk in when we’re at mine.” Makoto replied.

“She always knocks and usually just talks to us through the door.” Seijuro replied.

They both knew the chances of his mother walking in were slim. “She’s polite and doesn’t want to see her son in any compromising positions.”

“I don’t want to see her son in compromising positions either.” Seijuro replied, making Makoto laugh.

“I think kissing would count.”

“Oh. Maybe a few compromising positions then.”

“Just a few.” Makoto laughed and leant in for another kiss. He’d missed relaxing with Seijuro like this. After everything that had happened with university and basketball, he’d been so stressed. He got to talk to Seijuro through skype while they were apart but this was even better. Now they could really relax.

~ * ~

As soon as the spring break was over and the new school year started, Oshiro approached Makoto. It had been easy to avoid him during the holiday but as soon as term started again he’d missed dropping by the volleyball court to see Kuroo and his team, so he gave in and went by. Oshiro found him while he was leaning against the doorframe watching the volleyball team get set up.

“Is there any chance I can talk you into coming back?” Oshiro asked. His voice made it sound like he already knew the answer. Oshiro was good at understanding people and most likely already knew that Makoto wasn’t willing to risk it again.

“No.” Makoto replied honestly. “I’m not going to play again.”

“Alright. What about coming back not as a player?” Oshiro asked with a smile.

“What?” Makoto frowned. Was he going to say something like Seijuro’s weird practice-only playing plan?

“You know our team. You know how we play. You also know better ways for us to play and you’ve done the job before. I get that you don’t want to play again and I’ll respect that. However, the players all agree with me on this. We’d like to ask you to be our coach.” Oshiro’s smile grew even bigger as Makoto looked more alarmed.

“ _What_?? Seriously? I injure a guy and you ask me to _coach_ you?” Makoto couldn’t believe how ridiculous the idea was.

“I’m not asking you to coach us to do that, but I do think you are a brilliant player with a brilliant mind that would be a great help to our team.” Oshiro continued.

“You’ve seen my old team right? You’ve seen what I coached them to do?” Makoto couldn’t believe this. What the hell was Oshiro thinking?

“Yes, I’ve watched a lot of your old matches. I’ve seen your team’s co-ordination, the way you all seemed to know exactly what each other was going to do, the way you set up team plays perfectly and how great you all were. The only thing that let you down were your dirty tactics and facing the generation of miracles. Without that, you could’ve won trophies.” Makoto continued frowning as Oshiro kept talking. “I know you love basketball. If you don’t want to play, then coaching could be the next best thing. We don’t currently have a coach, only me, and I’m no coach. I can get us by but I never wanted this job. I’m a player. You’ve coached before and I know the team could get better with you guiding us. Will you at least think about it?”

Makoto looked down as he considered it. Part of him wanted to say yes, but another part wanted to stay away from basketball altogether. Maybe Oshiro was right though. This could work. He could still be connected to basketball without having to worry about hurting people. He wouldn’t teach them dirty tactics; he was confident of that. They wouldn’t accept them even if he tried anyway. This could potentially be his solution. “I’ll think about it, but don’t get your hopes up.”

~ * ~

“They asked you to coach? That’s great!” Seijuro was excited and Makoto couldn’t help smiling. Seijuro hadn’t lost any of his enthusiasm for basketball. If anything, he actually showed it even more. Makoto knew he would love this idea. “Did you say yes?”

“I told him I’d think about it.”

“What are your hesitations?” Seijuro asked, still looking excited but toning it down a margin.

“I don’t know. I know there’s no way I could hurt anyone by doing this, I just… do you really think it’s okay?” Makoto was unsure.

“Did you like coaching the Kirisaki Daiichi team?” Seijuro asked, a little smugness in his voice. Makoto could tell Seijuro was sure he’d accept the offer. 

“Of course.” Makoto replied.

“Then I think you should go for it. I don’t see the downside. It seems like a good compromise.”

“I don’t want to rush into it.”

“Then don’t. Take a few more days to think about it, but I don’t see why you should say no.”

Makoto smiled and shook his head. “You’re just desperate for me to be involved in basketball again.”

“I’m desperate for you to be involved in something you love again. I know you say you’re fine giving it up but I can see it’s hurting you.” Makoto opened his mouth to reply that it was better than hurting someone else but Seijuro shut him up before he could start. “You love basketball and this is the perfect way for you still to be involved while satisfying your desire not to physically play. If you turn it down, I’m going to need a hell of a good reason why.” Seijuro replied, sounding stern by the end of it.

Makoto couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you telling me I don’t have a choice but to accept?”

“No. You do have a choice. It’s your life. However, I’m going to be mad at you if you say no without at least trying it.”

“Alright, alright.” Makoto gave in with a smile. There was no point arguing against Seijuro on this. “The next practice is Thursday. I’ll try it then.”

~ * ~

Once again, Makoto found himself feeling nervous as he approached the basketball court. Once again, he was annoyed with himself for being nervous about something he’d done before many times. This wasn’t the first time he’d been coach. He’d been coach and captain and player at KiriDai. He could certainly handle just being a coach for UoT.

In the days before the practice, he’d managed to convince himself that it really was a good idea. Mostly, he found that the idea of not being coach made him sad. He refused to accept that playing with them had (re)kindled a love of basketball. He’d text Oshiro the day before to let him know he was willing to try being their coach. Oshiro had been overjoyed.

When Makoto walked into the hall, everyone slowly stopped what they were doing to turn to him.

“Uh. Hey.” He said, not expecting the attention.

“Welcome, coach.” Oshiro said with a grin. The players repeated it after them, all looking excited too.

Uncomfortable with the attention on him, he tried to blow it off. “Well, are you warming up or not?” Makoto asked. He didn’t want some kind of weird welcome. He just wanted to get on with it. “The next match is 2 weeks away. It’s a tough team but you’re going to win. That is, assuming you do actually warm up sometime this century.” Makoto smirked, watching them all get ready. Maybe this could be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! There's two more chapters then an epilogue after this!


	13. Chapter 13

“So, you’re the one we’ve heard so much about? Famous family and captain of the so-called miracles. Ready to try out?”

“I am.” Seijuro replied, meeting the other man’s eyes. He was speaking to the captain of the Keio basketball team. They were 9-time intercollegiate champions and Seijuro was determined not only to make the team, but to make them 12-time champions. He had a reputation to uphold and improve.

Seijuro had expected to be nervous, and he had been in the three days beforehand, but when he’d woken up this morning he’d felt fine. As soon as he entered the gm, it felt like home, and a thrill of excitement ran through him as he stepped onto the court. He couldn’t wait.

The try out went well. He played wonderfully and he was proud of himself. Now, he just had to wait and see which team they put him in. He knew he wouldn’t be captain, the chances of being captain in his first year for a second time were extremely slim, but that was okay. He didn’t need to be captain, not right away, he just needed to play. He’d be captain next year.

~ * ~

The week after tryouts, Seijuro was training with the first string. He was excited but hid it behind an attitude of pleased but unsurprised. He found their playstyle a little odd but did his best to fit in. However, he had a feeling that he was going to get frustrated with them and start trying to change things soon enough.

Three weeks after tryouts, Seijuro was dropping little hints and comments to the captain about ways they could tweak their playstyle.

Five weeks after tryouts, his captain sighed as Seijuro dropped another ‘hint’.

“Akashi. Seriously? Stop it. If you have something you want to say, just say it. I get it, you were a captain. Some of the others were captains too. Everyone thinks they have a better way of doing things. I’m willing to listen to your ideas but just say them straight okay? I know you want to.”

“I was trying not to be overbearing.” Seijuro admitted. He wasn’t surprised at being caught out; he hadn’t been as subtle as he could have been about it. He wasn’t the type to slink about with something like this. He would have rather said it straight from the start but he hadn’t wanted to cause any rift in the team when he’d only just joined. He couldn’t risk any problems like there had been with the Teiko team. Things at Rakuzan had gotten better after he’d started being kinder to the team. He wasn’t going to break things with this team before they’d even really begun.

“I know. I guessed that’s what it was. It’s nice that you’re not trying to barge your way in. We had a guy that did that and it was a nightmare. How about you and I sit down for coffee later this week and we’ll talk about your ideas. If I like them, we’ll try them. If not, I’ll tell you why.”

Seijuro nodded. Arata was a good captain and a kind person. Seijuro believed he would be honestly listened to. He had high hopes for this team.

Seijuro and Arata met up for coffee two days later, before the next practice. Arata listened carefully to Seijuro’s suggestions. A couple he had tried before but the team hadn’t succeeded with, so he wasn’t keen on trying them again at the moment, a few others he was willing to try though. He’d agreed to bring them up to the others when the time was right.

A few weeks later, the first of Seijuro’s suggestions had been implemented perfectly and the team was already visibly better. It was just in time too, Keio would be playing the University of Tokyo next week.

~ * ~

Makoto was nervous as he looked out at the court. He wasn’t usually nervous when he watched his team but he couldn’t help it today. They were playing Keio. Not only were Keio a very good team but they had _Seijuro_. Makoto wanted to hope for the best but Keio were a strong team before they had Seijuro and now they were even better. Nonetheless, Makoto wasn’t giving up on his team. He’d do his best to make them win.

Makoto gave his team a pep talk before the match. In the week before the game, he’d already given them what information he had about the Keio team, including Seijuro. UoT had gotten a lot better under his guidance. He’d even started teaching them the non-violent spider web. However, Seijuro knew Makoto’s tactics quite well and he had made that clear to his team. They were to use their own surprises as well as his. He was ready to give them real-time tips whenever he could too.

As he got closer to the court and could see the white uniforms with dark blue detailing and red lettering of the Keio team, his nerves felt more like excitement.

Makoto and Seijuro had agreed to play it like it was any other game and Makoto was confident they could both stick to it. They knew what they were doing. They could handle it with professionalism. That didn’t mean Makoto’s team didn’t know about his ‘friendship’ with Seijuro though. He’d known a lot more about Seijuro’s current playstyle than the others. There was only so much you could learn from videos. It was easier to learn extra when you actually played the person in their private court during holidays. He had admitted to his team that he was good friends with Seijuro but that it wasn’t going to be a problem at all. Of course, he didn’t tell them about his real relationship with Seijuro and he was too good an actor for them to work it out. His teammates hadn’t really cared, other than being excited about all the extra intel and that they were playing a great team and a Miracle.

Kuroo on the other hand, was extremely excited about Seijuro. If anyone would be able to work out his relationship with Seijuro, it would be Kuroo. Makoto let his guard down more around him and Kuroo already knew Makoto was gay. Makoto just hoped Kuroo wouldn’t ambush Seijuro with his guesses. He didn’t think Seijuro would be okay with that.

Makoto spotted Kuroo in the crowd as he reached the UoT bench. He gave his team one last pep talk and sent them off. This would be one hell of a match.

~ * ~

Keio won. It wasn’t a huge score difference but it wasn’t small either. UoT had gotten better but not enough. They put up a strong fight though and never gave in.


	14. Chapter 14

Four weeks after playing Keio, UoT had a vitally important match. If they lost this, they wouldn’t make it into the championship tournament. Makoto didn’t think they were likely to win the championship, not this year, but like hell were they not even going to qualify. They were going to make it through, no matter what.

The game was a nightmare. Before they even started, their first point guard got injured in the warm up. Luckily, they had a second in the team, who filled the spot in the starting line-up. Then they started losing right away. They stayed within a points difference where they could potentially catch up, but they didn’t. Then it got worse.

Just before half time, their replacement point guard and their shooting guard panicked and both went for the ball. They ended up crashing into each other and then the ground. Their shooting guard got a bloody nose but the point guard got a concussion. He’d have to be replaced and they didn’t have any more point guards. Makoto had to send out another replacement, using yet another of their limited substitutions and having to send out a center to fill the position. Half time finally came and Makoto had to reel in his frustration.

“Coach… we don’t stand a chance.” Their shooting guard looked at the floor. His nosebleed had stopped quite quickly but his face definitely still hurt.

“Bullshit. As long as you don’t give up, you always stand a chance of winning.” Makoto replied immediately, hiding his internal horror that he basically just quoted the miracles. ‘ _Fucking miracles’_ he thought.  

“We need a better point guard.” The center-come-point-guard stated. “I’m not downplaying myself but I’m no point guard.”

“You’re all we’ve got. You’ll have to do it.” Makoto replied, already trying to think of a better way to convince him.

“We do have another.” Oshiro spoke up, staring hard at Makoto.

“Who?” Makoto asked. He knew what position every member was suited for and none of them were point guards. He would know.

“…no.” Makoto replied quietly as he realised who Oshiro was suggesting. _No_. No fucking way.

“You’re the best point guard we’ve got. I never took you off the player list either. You’re a valid substitution.”

“I’m not in uniform.” It was a lame excuse but the first to come to his almost entirely blank mind.

“It’s half time. Go change. Borrow one.” Oshiro smiled, acting like this wasn’t a huge deal at all.  

“No. I can’t. I don’t-“ Fear rushed through him, tearing apart his ability to think straight. He couldn’t. What if he hurt someone again? He didn’t want to do that. Seijuro was in the crowd. Seijuro would see. Everyone would. Kuroo too. “No.”

“We need you. Please.” Someone else spoke up but Makoto wasn’t focusing on who.

“No.”

His pulse was racing and he knew he must look like a terrified trapped animal. Seijuro was probably watching and worrying about him.  

“We can’t win without you.”

Did they really believe that or were they just saying it to get him to play? Why would they want him to play? He’ll hurt someone.

“It’s just half a game. I have complete faith in you.” Oshiro encouraged, placing a hand on Makoto’s shoulder. “I promise, if things look bad, we’ll sub you out. But please, give it a try. We need you.”

Makoto felt his chest tighten. He couldn’t let them down. What if they lost because he didn’t play? They had faith in him. They had to get to the championship tournament. There were only 2 minutes left of the break. Should he try?

“I-.”

“We’re all supporting you.” Several of them spoke and Makoto looked at their encouraging faces, breaking the last bit of his resistance. Fucking teammates being kind and supportive and _goddamnit._

“Fuck. _Fine_.” He couldn’t believe he was doing this. “If I’m not back in time, start with the formation we just had. We’ll sub me in at the next opportunity.” Makoto shook his head, trying to take in the situation he was in. “ _Fuck_.” He swore again before sprinting towards the changing rooms with someone following behind, whom he would be swapping clothes with.

He changed as fast as he possibly could. He hadn’t even warmed up for fucks sake. He’d have to do it courtside. He couldn’t waste too much time. A lot could happen in a few minutes.

He paused to stare at himself in the mirror, taking in the sight of him in the uniform again, his heartrate picking up to reflect his revived panic. Could he really do this?

His teammate’s hand on his shoulder shook him out of his daze. “Go win it for us.” He grinned. Makoto nodded and raced off again. He had to do this.

The game had started again when he arrived. He took a few minutes to warm up, trying to do as much as possible before the next opportunity for a substitution arose. He included himself on the list of people not to injure in the match and that meant he had to prepare. Thankfully, he’d already stretched earlier when he’d guided the team through theirs. All he had to do was warm up a bit more now.

When the time came, he was fairly certain he was shaking and his legs were going to give in. He had a constant internal monologue of _fuck fuck fuck **fuck**_.  

He needed to calm down. Being stressed out would only make it worse. He took a deep breath, grounding himself, then the game started again.

~ * ~

Seijuro leant forward in his seat, concern obvious on his face as he watched Makoto talk to his team. It was half time and the UoT team were gathered together. The team was losing and Seijuro was expecting to see Makoto give an encouraging speech to get his team back on their feet. Instead, Makoto was looking more and more panicked. The team clustered around him and Makoto’s face transformed into full blown fear and panic. Seijuro almost stood up but there was nothing he could do from here. He couldn’t go down and find out what was going on. It was hard to watch but he had to leave Makoto to it. He continued watching as Makoto stayed panic and started shaking his head and backing away from his team a little. What were they saying to him to make him react like that? It had to be really bad and it was starting to make Seijuro mad. Were they blaming Makoto for them losing?

Then Makoto sprinted away from the team and into the back areas. Seijuro started standing up again but noticed another UoT player running after Makoto. Was Makoto okay? Was this part of a plan or was something wrong? It was too hard to tell from where he was. Should he go after him? Seijuro pulled his phone from his pocket and kept in his grip. If Makoto was struggling with something, he might call and Seijuro would be ready to go find him right away.

The UoT team got ready again, all the players except the point guard, getting into position on the court.

The point guard? That was interesting. Was there some kind of plan in place? Seijuro frowned, watching carefully.

Makoto didn’t come back in time before the game started, so the point guard stepped into his position. About a minute after the next quarter had started, Makoto came sprinting out towards the court. _Holy shit._ Seijuro did stand up this time. Makoto was in uniform.

The people behind Seijuro grumbled and complained but he stood there in shock, watching. Was Makoto going to play? Seijuro felt a burst of excitement rush through him. _Please_ let this go well.

At the next opportunity, Makoto subbed out the current point guard and replaced him. The other team seemed a little confused, which wasn’t surprising since it’s not exactly usual for a coach to rush off and come back as a player. Coaches could play, Makoto used to when he coached and captained Kirisaki Daichi, but they were usually in uniform from the start.

Seijuro finally sat down, nerves and excitement running through him and a constant internal plea for this to go okay, for Makoto to be happy. If this went well, maybe Makoto might start playing regularly again.

~ * ~

As soon as the match was over, Seijuro got up. He raced towards the locker rooms, knowing he probably wasn’t allowed there but not caring. He needed to see Makoto.

Luckily, Makoto had come out to look for Seijuro too. They bumped into each other in the hallway and Seijuro immediately pulled Makoto into a hug. “You were amazing.”

UoT had won and Makoto was absolutely glorious. His plays were perfect and no one got hurt. Even from his seat, Seijuro could see Makoto smiling on the court.

Makoto didn’t say anything now, just held Seijuro tight and close.

“That was perfect. You were wonderful.” Seijuro wanted to praise Makoto forever. “I’m so proud of you.”

Makoto smiled, looking very embarrassed. He didn’t let go of Seijuro so he could stretch though.

“How did it feel?” Seijuro asked, unable to stop smiling as he pulled back enough to talk.

“Good… I was terrified when they asked me to play but once I got on the court… it felt like home. Shit. I can’t give this up.”

Seijuro pulled him close again. “Then don’t.”

Makoto nodded and kept his arms around Seijuro. He wasn’t going to give up again, Seijuro was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so SO much for sticking with this story. There's only the epilogue left now! Please do let me know your thoughts. This series has been a journey for me and I always love hearing what you think!


	15. Epilogue

Sometimes, everything could change when you least expect it and without any logical reason at all. Makoto wasn’t sure what had changed during that game, but he knew now that he shouldn’t give up basketball. Sometimes these things just happened. He wasn’t sure if it was part of his mental health or just part of life, but he found that sometimes things just… clicked into place.  He’d been so scared before he’d stepped on the court but as soon as he first touched the ball, he knew it was right. It was like some part of him had been starving and now it was satisfied. He needed basketball. He couldn’t give it up again. He _could_ play without hurting anyone. If he started struggling, he had his friends and team to help. There was no shame in going back to therapy too if he needed it.

His head was so much clearer now. He could do this. He could play and be _happy_.

~ * ~

One week after the Intercollegiate championship, Makoto stepped onto Seijuro’s private court, a smirk on his face and determination in his bones. UoT had made it to the semi-finals but Keio had won the cup. Now, it was the winter holiday and all of his old Kiridai team and the miracles were there, ready for a game. They’d drawn lots to pick the teams, mixing everyone up. Makoto ended up separated from Seijuro but that was okay. It didn’t matter who was on his team (Murasakibara, Hara, Aomine, and Chihiro), he was going to win.

~ * ~

Makoto groaned as he half put down, half dropped the box on the living room floor. It was full of his game consoles. He regretted putting them in the same box, making it heavy, but he’d been in a bit of a hurry. Packing was never fun and he’d left it late. He’d still been shoving things into boxes while Seijuro was letting the movers into Makoto’s house to collect them.

Now, they were unloading everything again and Makoto was trying to take in that this was really happening. He was moving into Seijuro’s apartment. _Their_ apartment.

~ * ~

The first game of the new academic year and was against Waseda University. Murasakibara waved at him from across the court and Makoto had to stifle a laugh. He was as casual as ever.

Makoto met Oshiro’s eyes in the crowd and nodded. Oshiro had graduated and left the team in good hands; Makoto’s hands. He was back to being coach and captain and, although it hadn’t felt like it last year, he didn’t feel surprised now. He was excited. The team had improved every practice and he was full of confidence now. This year, the intercollegiate championship belonged to UoT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you've enjoyed the fic! It feels strange to finally be posting the last part of this, it's been with me for so long now. I'm going to miss Seijuro & Makoto and sharing this with you all.  
> Please do let me know your thoughts, it always means a lot to me to read your comments.


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